I Love my Wife but She Wants a Separation and Divorce.

Q: I am currently separated from my wife against my wishes. I thought we were only separating because we were relocating to a new city, and I went ahead of my family to establish our new home. When my wife and kids joined me, she soon stated her desire for separation, stating that I had not been able to satisfy her emotionally. Neither of us wants the divorce but we do not know what to do. She vetoed doing couple’s therapy. My wife is the love of my life, and I cannot seem to communicate that to her effectively.  

A" It sounds as though the separation heightened your wife’s awareness of her needs and her inability to continue the marriage as usual. She probably had long-standing concerns, and the separation may have given her the courage to act on a long held desire to take a bolder stand in the marriage for her needs. 

Your “cluelessness” about your wife’s growing discontent and perhaps her uncertain communication highlight a critical need for couple’s therapy. It sounds as though there is still hope for reconciliation. If she won’t join you for therapy, please get help for yourself, preferably from a female therapist who can help you develop your emotional life and advise you on ways to nurture the heart of a woman.

Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.