Counselors Can Help Troubled Marriages

What Doherty wants to combat is what he sees as consumerism applied to marriage, where one spouse feels entitled to a marriage that always makes them happy. Instead of seeing themselves as a citizen contributing to a joint effort, they view their spouse as a purveyor of “marital services.” Entitlement can lead to complaint, which leads to defensiveness, which leads to distance, and in a few years a once healthy marriage has reached a crisis.       

Doherty likes to compare marriage to living in his home state of Minnesota. Marriage begin in springtime, with flowers and sunshine, but when they reach the crisis point, it’s like the dark freeze of a northern winter. “Many of us are tempted to give up and move south at this point, not realizing that maybe we’ve hit a rough spot in a marriage that’s actually above average,” he wrote in an article. “The problem with giving up, of course, is that our next marriage will enter its own winter at some point. So do we just keep moving on, or do we make our stand now – with this person, in this season?”  

SUGGESTED READING LIST:
Here’s a suggested reading list for those contemplating divorce.

"Take Back Your Marriage," William J. Doherty.
 This book discusses the pressure consumerist attitudes place on a marriage and how relationship rituals can keep partners glued together over time. 

"Time for a Better Marriage: Training in Marriage Enrichment," Jon Carlson and Don Dinkmeyer Sr.
This book emphasizes how individuals choose their own attitudes and actions, and these in turn affect the quality of their marriage. 

"The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage," Susan Heitler.
This book talks about the best ways to talk. Dialogue, it argues, creates a couple’s shared world, and when it turns nasty, the relationship loses its appeal.

"The Good Divorce," Constance Ahrons.
 Ahrons studied post-divorce families and found adults and children can emerge from a divorce with their emotional health intact. 

"For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered," E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly.
 Scholarly in tone, this book examines how divorce, far from being an isolated event, reshapes intimate relationships over time. 

"The Truth About Children and Divorce," Robert E. Emery.
 This book explains why it is critical for divorcing spouses to cooperate with each other as parents, as well as what makes that goal so difficult to achieve.

FOR MORE INFORMATION
The National Registry of Marriage Friendly Therapists http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/