13 Tips to Improve your Marriage

 7. Seek out a therapist.
If you’re uncertain how to find one, consider word-of-mouth referrals or ask your physician. If none of those things work for you, go through the phone book and call therapists. Ask for five minutes of their time by phone to interview them or a 30-minute, face-to-face consultation before committing. If you don’t know what to ask, tell them a little about your problem and then ask them to tell you a little about how they would help, Thema says.

8. Be sure you and your partner have a clear mission statement about your marriage. 
Thema believes that most people will tell you what they are getting out of the partnership rather than what they are giving. Part of the mission statement should say something about what you can do to help your partner become all they can be and how they can do the same for you. This helps the relationship through evolution and change. It isn’t a matter of I nurture him/her to be what I want him/her to be -- but what he/she wants to be.        

9. What’s my capacity for commitment?
What does it mean “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer?” Thema suggests that most people don't make the a distinction between being in love and being loving through difficult times.        

10. Each partner has to be responsible for their own thoughts and communicating then.
According to Thema, there is a lot of myth about marriage, but relationships require a lot of discipline. In other words, a relationship is good because we devote time to it. Like your garden - even when there is a drought. 

11. Learn to listen.
 Chris Cortman, Psy.D., has a private family practice in Florida. He says listening is essentially. This helps a spouse feel like their feelings are being validated. When they don't feel this way, they usually have an affair or leave. Other responses include staying in the relationship for economic reasons or because of the children and withdrawing emotionally and perhaps sexually.         

12. Invest in the relationship. 
Take time every week that come hell or high water you and your spouse will go on at date, Cortman says. The dating rules include not talking about the children or discussing bills. Remember, you used to talk, play, laugh and love. You weren’t attracted to one another by bills, jobs and children.        

13. Ask for help, Cortman says. 
Talk to a physician, family, friends or clergy.