Everybody Wins Mediation: Letting Go of the Past

    Unless and until we come to peace with our family, it is inevitable that we will be caught in the past. We will re-experience the rejection we received in our families over and over again. We keep craving the love and approval and demand that we now receive it, often inappropriately in our present day relationships. Even when we do receive it many do not feel satisfied. It does not make up what was missing long ago. The only way to resolve basic anger in the family is to begin the process of making peace.with them today. Here are two wonderful steps for getting started:

STEP 1: Acknowledgment.
1. Describe each member of the family, what you wanted from them, and how you wanted them to be.
2. Acknowledge each member of the family for who they were.
3. Allow them to be exactly who they were. Realize that who they were was not a reflection of you.
4. Describe how you were in the family.
5. Allow yourself also to be exactly as you were, no matter what others felt about you.
6. Describe what each family member gave you, and the ways in which they supported your life.
7. Describe what you gave them.

STEP 2: Giving Thanks.
1. Write a formal thank you letter to each member of the family for something important you received from him/her.
2. Are there any gifts you may want to give these members? Give one today.

STEP 3: Apologize. 
Contrary to popular opinion, we do not need to receive the apologies of others as much as we need to apologize to feel free and happy and allow ourselves to go forward in life.

1. Rather than dwell upon how they hurt or disappointed you, look and see if  there may be some way you need to apologize to someone for something.
If there is, do it. Write a note of apology. Ask for forgiveness. This will be very healing for you. It will also mean a great deal to them.

2. Find out how you can make it up now.
(You can ask this, or think of a way to make recompense). Do it as soon as you can. (If you cannot do it with a member of your own family, perhaps you can do this with someone else). Once wrongs are corrected in our family, it is amazing to see how they straighten  out in all other areas of our lives as well. 




Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.