What Do I Tell the Kids?

In addition to the book, Sedacca also has started a Web site called www.childcentereddivorce.com and networks with professionals who focus on collaborative divorce, a way to settle divorce issues outside of court. While it's gaining momentum in other areas of the country, it was only recently introduced to Florida, according to Charles Jamieson, a West Palm Beach, Fla., attorney. 

In collobarative divorce, a set of professionals -- legal to financial -- negotiate with the couple to settlement. If the couple does not agree, the professionals must drop the legal case and a net set of professionals must be chosen to go to court. While it seems difficult, Jamieson believes it is less expensive and less stressful and less painful for the family in the long-run. “It’s a new idea because attorneys don’t have the safety net of saying ‘I’ll see you in court.’ Instead, the first rule is to be civil,” Jamieson said.  

SIX TIPS TO TELL THE KIDS 
Source: Rosalind Sedacca

1) This is not your fault:
Sedacca said that parents tend to make a lot of the same mistakes in the process of divorce, confiding in their child or speaking poorly about their ex, nevertheless the one you are hurting is them.  

2) You are, and always will be, safe:
In making sure their son, Cassidy, adjusted well to the divorce, Sedacca moved only a block or so away from her husband so the transition would be less painful.  

3) Mom and Dad will always be your parents:
Keeping dad around helped not only her son, but didn’t make resentment an issue down the line; her son still had mom and dad, but they lived in separate homes.  

4) Mom and Dad will always love you:
 In saying this, it’s also necessary for parents to show it to kids, especially when going through a divorce.  

5) This is about change, not about blame:
“So many parents get caught up in their hurts and fears and anxieties,” she said. “They lose sight of what’s in their little kid’s best interest.”   

6) Things will work out okay: 
As long as the child is the prime focus of both partners in the relationship and communication is key.