Remember The Kids Are Watching

    When divorce happens in a marriage with a child, the hope is that things are done for the best interest of the child. Sometimes it turns into a war zone, and sometimes it merely becomes a business agreement. When emotions run high and couples fight OR enter into a litigation (battle), things can get complicated. The best thing to is get emotions, anger, sadness and all those negative emotions, to a therapist or someone to help sort these feelings out -- so the child does become a causality of the custody and support zone. 

People can use the child as a hostage to get more support, people can withhold support or custody out of anger...and the one who suffers the most is the innocent child. Best to move on, keeping your child safe from battle and parent alienation syndrome (parents bad mouthing each other in the vicinity of the child). We need to shoot for win-wins, not getting even. And know that as your child grows, there are many many great opportunities for your ex to get more involved and grow, too. I've learned long and hard that you can't change anybody and you can't make someone do something they don't want to do, men or women (Fathers or Mothers). Be grateful that you have a wonderful child or children. Know that as your child grows, more options open up.

You've been given a wonderful gift of life. I know it's a challenge, but try and stay in the love and blessing of it and try not to look at what your ex isn't doing. Discover the deep joy in loving and taking care of yourself and your child. If the parent isn’t happy – no one is happy. And please bypass any tendency for “revenge” and even resentment, it most times backfires! The best quote I ever heard and it stuck with me throughout my divorce, and beyond is: Resentment is like taking poison, expecting the other person to die”.  


Jodi Seidler is the founder of the single parent site MakingLemonade.com and the author of "55 Things Every Divorcing Mom Should Know!" Her advice has also made it to TV talk shows, such as: "Inside Edition"and "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus." Her e-mail is jodi@makinglemonade.com.