Married, No Kids: You're Not Alone

The Nelsons see one or two children as likely in their future. Joey Nelson, 30, a government program administrator currently attending college, explains, “At this point, we are basically saying that we would have children. What continues to change our mind is the instability of the economy. If your job can be unstable, you do not want to bring kids into a situation like that.”  

His wife, Wendy, 31, a teacher, adds, “When he finishes getting his degree, I will go to graduate school and it will be a better time for kids when I am finished.” 

Caution is apparent in couples considering expanding their family. Bringing children into the mix can complicate a marriage, even one like the Nelsons that has a track record of happiness. Adult children of divorced families are more keenly aware that marriages are vulnerable to outside pressures.“My parents did not have much money and were not able to do a lot of things for me,” recalls Joey. “I want to be able provide for my children better than my parents were able to provide for me.” 

But, he adds, “You must always be confident that you will succeed,” says Joey. “If you think of failure, failure is going to pretty much happen.”  

Pickhardt suggests that currently, there is more of a view of marriage “as a relationship to provide for and nurture the adults more than to create a family with children. He added, “Young adults today may be more motivated to pursue occupational advancement than be dedicated to the work of raising a family. Many are reluctant to give up the rewards of this personal freedom for the self-sacrifice it takes to become a parent.”  

Advancing their education is the top priority for the Nelsons for the next few years. Having children is not part of the plan until after they both graduate. “There are other things that we have to take care of first.” says Joey. “When we feel more comfortable, things could change then.”    

Part of his reasoning is simple: “My dad was always working, so he was always gone,” recalls Joey. “He worked a full-time job and did a lot of side work, so he was often gone until twelve o’clock in the morning. I don’t want that to be me.” Wendy agrees, “If we are in school and have a child, we could not provide enough time and care for a child. We would not be able to give our all to anything that we are doing.”  

Pickhardt says some couples just don't want to "upset the marital status quo." Joey Nelson understands that: “Right now, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it,” he says. Expanding the family in the future would be a plus for the Nelsons, but not essential explains Wendy. “Children would be an added bonus, but not necessarily provide me with the fulfillment that I need.”  


FOR MORE INFORMATION  

The full report of the July 2007 Pew Research Center: "As Marriage and Parenthood Drift Apart, Public Is Concerned about Social Impact Generation Gap in Values, Behaviors" may be downloaded at http://pewresearch.org/pubs/526/marriage-parenthood