Married, No Kids: You're Not Alone

    Raising a family is no longer a priority for many couples, according to the Pew Research Center. Having children may play a role in marriage but is frequently not the primary reason for getting married. And couples increasingly feel that having a family is not essential to finding fulfillment, the study shows.   

Of 2,020 people surveyed about nine issues that can make successful marriages, about 42 percent of the respondents listed children as one of the most important aspects of in the 2007 research. Another 29 percent called children "rather important," and another 27 percent said children were  "not important" at all to a successful marriage.  

On the list of nine things that make up a successful marriage, having children was ranked as eighth in importance. The numbers in 2007 had declined from two thirds in 1990 who considered having children as important to marriage --- ranking it third in importance on the nine-point list.  

That's not surprising to Joey and Wendy Nelson of Addison, Texas, who have been married for nine years. It's their first marriage, and both had divorced parents. The Nelsons can foresee adding children to their family, but of the nine categories offered in the research, they assigned children as being ranked sixth in importance.

More important, according to the study were: faithfulness, which topped the list at 93 percent; followed by sexual compatibility at 70; sharing chores 62; adequate income 53; good housing 51; shared religious beliefs 49; shared tastes and interests 46; having children and agreement on politics at 12 percent.  

Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., author and psychologist, in Austin, Texas, said the shift may reflect two changes: "parents placing more importance on personal and marital happiness, and seeing parenthood as less fulfilling."    

Couples under the age of 40 often experienced their parents' divorce, which could be an underlying factor in opting out of parenthood, he said. "Adult children of divorce tend to 'think twice' about starting a family. With cause, they fear they might not only divorce as their parents did, but put their own child through an experience similar to what they endured," he said. "There are insecurities that adult children of divorce wrestle with: sometimes with denial; sometimes with determination," he said.