Making Lemonade: Dealing with the Challenge of Teens

    Some of us remember very clearly what it was like to be a teenager; the hormones, the penetrating fears and desires, the need to be accepted by our peers and the growing pains. Add to the equation – being raised by a single parent and the divorce phenomenon and all that entails. 

As single parents we are drawn to feeling our teenager’s pain and being ever aware of our lack of control and ability to share our wisdom without a gut-wrenching sigh or their famous eye-rolling techniques. We really have to draw from our memory of what it was like to be a hormone-sensitive teenager when we parent through these years.  We no longer have a child to mold or a child to ‘boss around’. 

We have our parent karma inherited from our parents…those words daunt us “may YOU have a child that treats YOU the way you treat me”. Those words have always created panic in us; it’s the curse that is passed down from parent child.   

I love the idea of passing down my knowledge and state of being to my son, even though he isn’t quite wise enough yet to know it is his gift to the world.  These teenage years are tough for parents – yet alone SINGLE parents. There is NO “wait till your father gets home” or “Your mother will deal with you about this”.  All we have is the male and female within US…  

What a hormonal challenge the life of a teenager is – and as parents --- oh my god – give us strength. We’ve been there but the world is SO different now than it was when we were teens and there we are without a compass or a map!  All I know to do is be there for our kids to make sure their wrong turns aren’t dangerous and that we don’t squash their creativity or dreams in the meantime. 

We’re all teenagers at heart, some of us never grow out of it and others can’t wait to jump into adulthood and all the details therein. I believe it’s a time of growth, compassion, unconditional love and bonding if we can keep the lines of communication open so that our teenagers know they can come to us even in their dark night of the soul.  And, it IS a lesson in patience, believe me!          

Jodi Seidler is the founder of the single parent site MakingLemonade.com and the author of "55 Things Every Divorcing Mom Should Know!" Her advice has also made it to TV talk shows, such as: "Inside Edition"and "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus." Her e-mail is jodi@makinglemonade.com.