divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

child  :: effects
Print
Email

Her Mentor Center: Divorce after Kids Go to College


Her Mentor Center: Divorce after Kids Go to College


Infidelity: My Kids Are in College, and I Want a Divorce from Unfaithful Husband


By DR. PHYLLIS GOLDBERG  and  DR. ROSEMARY LICHTMAN

Q: My husband has been fooling around for years but I have stuck with the marriage because of our two daughters. Now they are in college and I would like to finally tell him to get out. What should I do to prepare myself for my future without him before I kick him out?  

A: 
There are several areas you need to address as you begin to prepare for a life without your husband: practical matters such as your finances and living arrangements, focal ones such as how you will spend your time and energy as a single woman, and the emotional roller coaster that is likely to emerge once you begin divorce proceedings.  


You don't say whether or not you are currently working outside the home or have had a career in the past. Your job status will affect your finances, the structure of your day and your emotional stability after the divorce. Now is the time to consider a job that you can move into which will be stimulating and fulfilling while giving you a sense of independence. Try to build some flexibility into your work schedule to accommodate the bumps that are likely to appear in the road that lies ahead.  

With both of your daughters now in college, you probably have already explored interests and activities outside of your family. In preparation for you new status as a single woman, begin to become more involved in some of these activities -- both to give your life a creative edge and as a way to meet new people. You will find that a pleasurable outlet provides a bright spot for the focus of your day. In addition, consider volunteering to assist those who are in need -- it will shift the center of attention away from your own difficulties.   

As you move forward with your pre-divorce plans, talking to a professional counselor about your feelings can help you initiate a strategy for the future. Your anger at your husband for his past infidelities and the emotional impact on you need to be worked through. In therapy, you can bounce around ideas and consider the various results likely to occur before you act on them. Becoming single again after all of these years will bring to the surface issues of self-esteem that may threaten the self-confidence you took for granted in the past. Naturally, your friends will be supportive during this difficult time in your life, as long as you set boundaries for their advice giving.  

Once you feel more prepared to initiate discussions about divorce, you will draw upon the strength you have gathered from your planning. It will not be an easy process, by any means, but you can rely on your preparations to help you along the way.         


TO READ MORE

Click here to read more stories about infidelity, more expert advice and journal entries.



Dr. Rosemary Lichtman and Dr. Phyllis Goldberg have guided their clients through reassessing their lives, before, during and after divorce. They created http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, which provides coaching services and a free e-zine, and are are co-authors of the book Family Relationships




divorce New this week::

Ask the Attorney: Should I Divorce while Pregnant? - And Yes, the Baby is His…

 

Should You Warn The Next One? - My Ex Did Me Wrong, But I’m Not Sure if I Should Kiss and Tell

 

The Divorce Organizer: Visitation is for Kids - It Belongs to Your Child, Not You

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Sexting
So, I have found out that my husband has been sexting another female. When I...read more 

He left me 6 months pregnant . for another girl or not?
My husband and I were together for 11 years. We have a 9 year old girl...read more 

Free 10M neverwinter astral diamonds on safewow.com is wating for you on 2014 Easter
A lot of us have come across to Asia from Europe, where summer is still a long...read more 

get/give answers
When do you know that you have tried everything?
We have been to 3 different marriage councellers during the last 5 years. The...Read Answers/share yours 

How do you know when its over?
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I've recently told my husband of 15 years that I...Read Answers/share yours 

Have one year old, should I give up
I have a one year old girl, ever since she was born only me and my father take...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

2. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

3. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

4. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out