Helping Single Parents of Boys

   With more single-parent families, or both parents working, or not married, kids can get neglected by stressed parents. Boys are particularly susceptible. Many news stories and statistics describe unmotivated, easily distracted boys who are falling behind in test scores. The boys are forgetting their homework or forgetting to turn it in. When their grades slip and their adolescent concepts of manhood are crushed, they retreat to video games or even less productive escapes, rather than ask for help. These problems are particularly acute for black males, judging by studies such as the recent report on dropouts by the Schott Foundation for Public Education, an educational think tank in Cambridge, Mass. That report found that fewer than half of black male students nationwide are graduating from high school.  

When it comes to black males scoring lower and being less than responsible, we are clearly speaking of males who are raised in economically disadvantaged neighborhoods where the definition of "a man" is almost non-existent. These are boys who:

• lack a support system.
• are parentified children.
• are subjected to the pressure of what society expects from a "man" at a certain age. 
• have been asked to choose between working (hustling) or education. 
• have defined success through sports or music videos.

The point being made here is that if a male is raised in a household where education is not valued than he may feel that education will not get him anywhere. He will go to school only because he has to do so. When he can make the decision to stay at home, he probably will do this because it's what his family has been doing for years. The poverty circle for black males is a reality -- not an excuse. The lack of motivation exists from generation to generation. The women are usually forced to be the breadwinners because the males leave the home. Therefore, women become more focused on bettering themselves because they too have no support system.

When we compare black males to their white counterparts, it's almost unfair to put them in the same category. It is like trying to compare apples to oranges. I will make the assumption that the white male students who are graduating have:

• a support system.
• an intact family or at least a father who is still involved even though there is a divorce, separation, etc.
• the motivation to achieve.
• a strong emphasis on education as the key to success.
• more exposure to opportunities and resources.

Do we blame the failing rate on the educators or the system that is failing the children? Studies show that black males are succeeding in North Dakota and Vermont, but they probably less exposed to corruption that exist in the poor neighborhoods. They probably have access to a better education and more positive peers and environment because these are white-dominated states. The black population in those states is smaller compared to cities like Detroit and Indianapolis.

On the other hand, the reason why white males may be performing as poorly as blacks in Indianapolis and Detroit may be because black neighborhoods have fewer resources and less equipped teachers. The newer teachers are willing to take jobs in high-risk neighborhoods to get their foot in the door.  In New York City, the "Teach for America" program requires new teachers to teach in disadvantaged neighborhoods for the first two years of their career. Hence, less experienced teachers will go into these neighborhoods by force to teach. But those teachers lack the appropriate resources and supervision to help these males succeed. Furthermore, white males -- as their black counterparts -- become a product of their environment because they have fewer resources and less exposure to a good education.

What do we need in these communities to help black males succeed? More male mentors, more after-school programs (educational and recreational) to build social skills and confidence in lower performing students, more involved parents who are educated about what is expected of their child on every academic level, more exposure to resources like libraries, museums and community activities outside of their neighborhoods.

Single parents need:

• to encourage and motivate their male children
• work with them to succeed
• avoid critcizing a child when he is not performing at his full potential
• avoid enabling a child by buying video games and the latest fashions
• to ceate rewards and incentives so that for every good grade the child can earn money or a pair of sneakers.

It takes a village to raise a child. Parents and educators need to advocate for better resources for male students. More male educators need to be recruited. More males need to be hired in the school system and those males need to be involved in curriculum development. If males learn differently than females, perhaps they should be the ones consulting the school system on what worked for them academically.

• Fathers need to be held accountable. We should require the father to attend at least one (at minimum) parent/teacher conference per year.
• Fathers should be held accountable besides paying child support. It is unfair to single parents who have to work two jobs to make ends meet and the father is no where to be found.
• Both sides need to be educated and understand when one parent can't hold their end of the deal the other parent needs to step up because it's in the best interest of the children.

The poverty circle is a reality -- not an excuse. Unless we begin to educate parents, the state of the black males in America will continue to suffer.

Kenia Maldonado, LMSW and CAMF, holds a master’s degree in social administration from Columbia University School of Social Work. She is currently working as a family case analyst in the New York courts. She is also the founder of NY Anger Training. Kenia can be reached at nyangertraining@aol.com.