Does Divorce Affect Parenting?

    Viviana Jallinsky, 53, of North Miami Beach wasn’t required by the courts to take a parenting course after her divorce last year, because her kids are older than the specified age. For other parents, however, Florida and other states statutes require them to take a four-hour educational course — whether they need it or not. 

In a study released last month by the University of Alberta in Canada, researchers say that just because parents break up doesn’t mean they’re less competent. Canadian federal law provides a similar mandatory program. Sociology Professor Lisa Strohschein conducted the research study over several years, interviewing children before and after divorce. 

The study took data from the 1994 and 1996 sequences of the National Longitudinal Survey of Children and Youth (NSLCY). They compared three measures of parenting behavior: nurturing, consistent and punitive parenting, looking for changes to understand how divorce affects how parents behaved with their kids. In her study, the premise is called:  “the assumption that because an individual goes through a divorce, they’re worse for the wear in transitioning and as a result worse parents." 

The myth comes from an older study that talked about some issues that arise for single parents. “’Divorcing parents often fail to keep routines and maintain effective control of the household. They also indicated that parents might go so far as to blur the boundaries of the parent-child relationship by turning to their children for solace and making them their confidantes.’” Wallerstein and Blakeslee (1989).
 
Instead, her conclusion was different: “there are more similarities than differences in parenting among recently divorced and continuously married parents.” “Both income and education are significant predictors of the conditions on the household,” she said in a phone interview. “But, clearly on average, ability doesn’t decrease.” 

Strohschein believes instead of re-educating parents, government agencies should provide better resources to single-parent households. As the saying goes, if it’s not broken, don’t fix it. 

Sari Lesinski is director of Education Programs in Fort Myers, Fla., which provides some of the required state certification classes for divorced parents. According to Lesinski, the classes serve a purpose, as the class is mostly geared to help parents understand how their divorce will affect the lives of their kids. “Courts can’t be selective in choosing who does or does not have to take the course, so instead they make it mandatory across the board,” Lesinski said.

Most parents got something out of the class, she said. “...Some feel different about their relationship and some have felt the class validated how they were feeling.”

Coach Judy Romanoff, a motivational expert and single parent counselor, is the founder of the National Single Parent Resource Center based in Boynton Beach, Fla.  She thinks parenting classes are helpful for anyone, but should be required throughout the divorce process -- not just at the beginning. "In most cases, many couples end up back in court arguing about child-support or custody normally six months later,” she said.

Strohschein’s study concluded each divorce is different and parenting skills are affected by how the individuals react. “Undoubtedly, some parents will be overwhelmed and unable to cope with the demands of parenting in the post-divorce period,” she wrote. “But the expectation that all parents will be adversely affected not only is unfounded but may also represent  an inefficient use of resources and services for those for do not need them.”  

Viviana Jallinsky admits it’s difficult for her to tell if she’s been a good parent because she's biased. “It could be seen as decreased parental ability that I began working full-time and was at home less after the divorce,” Jallinsky said. “But, I don’t feel that way because I did my best to work with my kids and talked to them as often as I could.”            

Jallinsky does believe that, in the end, what the mandatory class provides is guidance through a difficult time. “No matter your child’s age, the effect of divorce is really hard. It’s a dismembering of the family,” she said.         

Cristela Guerra is a freelance journalist and independent radio producer in Florida.