Actor Alec Baldwin says he never wanted to write a book about divorce. After a bitter split with actress Kim Basinger, he become known not just for his work, but also for the difficulties surrounding their public battle over their daughter. At some point, he must have figured it was worth writing about since earlier this month, St. Martin's Press released "A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey through Fatherhood and Divorce."
"I wish I weren't here. I wish I weren't doing this," Alec Baldwin said at the inaugural signing for the book. Baldwin, who won a best supporting actor Emmy for "30 Rock," writes about meeting Basinger in 1990 and being impressed by her determination. "It was this quality, more than any other, that most attracted me to her," he wrote.
The couple married in 1993 after Basinger faced a breach of contract lawsuit for leaving the production of "Boxing Helena" which bankrupted the actress. Their daughter, Ireland, was born in 1996, five years before they divorced.
"I have seen the psychological toll that divorce litigation takes on people," Baldwin wrote. "These victims are not an isolated few, hidden away from the rest of society, as was often the case some generations ago. Today, more than half of all marriages end in divorce, and the damages are not limited to the couples themselves. The aftereffects of divorce seep into all of society."
Baldwin's book details his ex-wife's legal issues before their marriage, the events leading to their marriage and the discovery that she was pregnant, which she told him in front of an assistant. She then talked "about her doubts about me and about our marriage," Baldwin wrote. "A moment that one would have imagined, during all of your lifetime leading up until now, would be a cause for unprecedented job was more like someone telling you that they had wrecked your car."
"She was, however, determined to move forward with having the child, in spite of our current state of disconnect. Her assistant managed to sneak glances at me that seemed pitying, as if to say, 'How sad to have this moment in your life play out this way.' I suppose that in hindsight the alienation from my daughter began that afternoon, before she was even born," Baldwin wrote.
Through a gradual growing apart, Baldwin was served with divorce papers on a movie set by a man he thought was an extra in the cast. His wife had moved to Los Angeles, but he kept hoping their marriage would work out: "I was driving down a road in East Hampton when it hit me; that unmistakable and shuddering wave that comes over you when you own the truth that your marriage is over. Now you are like all of the other millions who have failed, or at least feel they have, at something so personal. Something that meant so much to you and that you tried so hard to keep alive is dead. I pulled my car to the side of the road, snow falling around me. I let out sounds I did not know were in me. I cried and thought how helpless I felt..."
The book even tackles a particularly tough subject -- his infamous phone message to his 12-year-old daughter in which he called her a "thoughtless rude pig." He says he sent a letter of apology that she ripped in half. "My relationship with my daughter might have been a casualty of parental alienation, aided and abetted by the Los Angeles family law system," he writes. "As I have suffered, so has she, in my opinion."
For Baldwin, the book seems to been a venting of sorts. He spends an entire chapter describing what's called parental alienation syndrome, in which one parent, usually the custodial mother, badmouths the non-custodial parent, usually the father, to such an extent that it affects the father's relationship with his child. For instance, he explains, "A mother that is attempting to alienate a child from the child's father sends signals to the child. These signals are not only that nearly any love for or loyalty toward the father is an act of betrayal, but also that the child is significantly responsible for the mother's emotional well-being. A form of emotional incest is evident. The child know, instinctively, that it has little choice but to please the custodial parent. The child's very life becomes, in a sense, about pleasing the alienating parent...."
Outside of education on parental alienation syndrome, Baldwin's other point seems simpler. "Men have fewer rights in a family law courtroom than women do," he wrote. "There is the tired presumption that men are less interested in parenting their children on a meaningful level. It is also presumed that they are less capable. There are too many good men, and some women, who have had or are currently having their parental rights improperly taken away from them. How is any of this in a child's best interest? How much of what we tolerate inside a family courtroom is the result of institutional greed, bad legislation, corruption and politics?"
Regardless of how you feel about Baldwin, nationally known divorce
attorney Raoul Felder said in an article in The Huffington Post that the book was "written out of his pain." "Alec Baldwin is one of the walking wounded, a casualty of the divorce/custody wars," Felder said. "This book is a must and quick read for anybody thinking of a divorce, but they better keep a bottle of Jack Daniels near by. They will need it," he said.
MORE FROM DIVORCE360Tips, articles and advice on parental alienation syndrome.
rss feed ::
suggestions / issues
is for informational purposes only. It does not provide legal, financial or therapeutic
