Anger Training: Children and Therapy

Q. Should my child meet with a therapist or counselor during the divorce process?

A.  It is important that children get a chance to discuss their feelings and voice their opinions to someone who is not directly affected by the divorce or “impartial”. Parents who tend to think that children are not affected by a divorce are sadly mistaken. A child may not show that he/she is affected because they may feel if they are on their best behavior, “maybe mom/dad won’t get a divorce”. 

Some parents become so enmeshed in their own personal feelings that they tend to forget to check in with the children. It is recommended that children have a support system where they can speak freely and not be judged for feeling uncomfortable during the divorce. An alternative is also family therapy- where all members of the family attend sessions to work through their divorce issues. The final decision as to whether a child should be in therapy is determined by the parents but it does not hurt to allow your children to heal in their own way therefore, therapy/counseling should remain an option.

SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD SHOULD SPEAK TO SOMEONE:

1. A change in behavior, attitude and adjustment to the new situation.
2. He  or she is always frustrated and acting rebellious.
3. He or she shows a lack of interest in activities that were fun and exciting.
4. He or she becomes very quiet and reserved; always crying.
5. He or she starts to have nightmares or trouble sleeping.
6. He or she is potty trained but regresses and starts bedwetting.
7. He or she experiences separation anxiety.
8. He or she experiences a change in school performance (lack of interest in school, drastic changes in school marks).  

Kenia Maldonado, LMSW and CAMF, holds a master’s degree in social administration from Columbia University School of Social Work. She is currently working as a family case analyst in the New York courts. She is also the founder of NY Anger Training. Kenia can be reached at nyangertraining@aol.com.