Anger Training: No Pay, No See Is Not the Answer

Q: Does no child support mean no visitation?

A: The answer is NO. There seems to be an ongoing misconception that if a non-custodial parent is not paying his/her child support that the custodial parent can then suspend all access and visitation with the child. Although, it is hard to separate the two issues --  the reality is that a custodial parent can not refuse or cut back access due to nonpayment of child support. The time a child spends with both parents has nothing to do with child support.

It can definitely feel frustrating watching the non-custodial parent spend time and have fun with a child he/she is not supporting. However, dodging financial responsibilities should not be used as an interfering factor with building a relationship with the child. Often custodial parents try to use visitation time as a weapon against the other parent because it is something that is important and can easily be controlled. But how fair is that to the child who has built a relationship with that parent? How do you explain to a child that he/she can no longer see their father/mother because the parent has not paid to see them this month?

Realistically, the child support is to support the child and not to VISIT with or SEE the child. Once, a parent can begin to see these two issues as separate components of a parenting plan -- it can allow them to prevent future misunderstandings with the other parent.  

Remember child support and visitations are two separate issues that are both equally important but should not be discussed in the same sentence. Examples of common mistakes are, “Well if he paid child support I would let him have more access to the child” or “He hasn’t paid his child support so I am not going to let him see the baby this weekend."
 
If you are having problems collecting child support and the child support enforcement agency is not helping you get results, you might consider contacting the child support collection agency in your area.    

Kenia Maldonado, LMSW and CAMF, holds a master’s degree in social administration from Columbia University School of Social Work. She is currently working as a family case analyst in the New York courts. She is also the founder of NY Anger Training. Kenia can be reached at nyangertraining@aol.com.