Everyone Wins Mediation: Cheating Spouse?

    Infidelity and the threat of it, is the largest single issue that threatens marriages. It is not only the sexual betrayal but the lies that accompany infidelity that are so devastating. This break of trust need not be fatal; if both parties wish to do so, it can be repaired. However, even if the couple chooses to divorce, it is extremely helpful to take time to heal the wounds the infidelity has created. This will help not only with the logistics of divorce, and the post-divorce parenting relationship, but helps both partners go forward with future relationships.   

In order to heal the wounds of infidelity, first, it is absolutely necessary to acknowledge what has happened. This does not mean that the individual who strayed is to be punished or blamed, but must be accountable, taking responsibility for their actions.  

It is also helpful to discover the deeper reasons in the relationship that caused this to take place. What was lacking? Were there been hidden resentments? What needs were not being met? Knowing this helps both partners go forward and not repeat the same mistakes.     

Emotional infidelity is also a cause of marriages breaking up. Many often satisfy their wish for other relationships or for fantasy and adventure through activities online. These relationships are easy, demand little and can stimulate a hotbed of fantasy. Before a person knows it, attachment or dependency arises, interfering with feelings towards the spouse.      

Like actual infidelity, emotional infidelity is painful and arises from needs which have been unmet. When this is brought into the open, discussed and acknowledged, it makes room for healing to take place. It is also prevention against it happening in the future.       

All relationships go through challenges. Whether these challenges destroy your relationship or make it stronger, is up to both of you. And even if you divorce, it is still possible and very desirable to have a healthy, respectful, uplifting relationship with your ex. Not only does this help the children, but helps your own life in many ways.  


Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.