Could They Be Cheating?

One of the things I talk about in my book, Cinderella Was a Liar, is the devastating impact infidelity can have on a relationship and the According to the stats, cheating is the name-of-the-game for more than half of the relationships in the United States.  With the office, internet and business trips making the opportunity for “new sex” more readily available, there’s reason to be worried than ever before.

Here are 11 Common Signs Your Mate Might Be Cheating and Sure-Fire Signs Something Is Up:

1.       They Go Back To Their Courtship Looks:  Remember when your partner set out to woo you?  They always made sure they looked and smelled their best, wore their most flattering clothes and made sure their breath was “minty fresh”?  If your mate suddenly puts in more effort to look good at the office or when leaving the house, there might be someone he or she is trying to impress.

2.       They Become 007: There’s a big difference between “secrecy” and “privacy” in a relationship.  Shutting the bathroom door is one thing but if your mate is deleting the history every time they use the family computer, carrying their cell phone with them everywhere they go or going somewhere else to have private conversations, they are likely hiding something.  It may not be another person but it’s something that would upset you, to be sure.

3.       Your Gut is On Fire: Intuition is a very real thing and when there are knots in your stomach and something just “feels wrong” you need to pay attention to it.

4.       Everything Is Your Fault: A guilty spouse is often a critical spouse.  How else can they justify their bad behavior other than to make it your fault? Cheaters are brilliant blame-shifters and they have a keen ability to make you doubt reality.  If you start to comment on things that feel wrong (see above) and they tell you that you are “jealous, insecure or crazy” it’s likely they are doing something to make you feel this way. 

5.       Money is Disappearing:  If they have the same job but suddenly bring home less income, they might be spending it on someone else.  If they are “working overtime” but their paychecks aren’t showing any of the benefits, work might not be what they are working on.

6.       You find a private account: I don’t care what excuse a mate comes up with (“I was just looking” is a big one), Faithful partners are not on Match.com, adultfriendfinder.com or browsing the craigslist personals.  There are plenty of free images online that don’t require a login.

7.       They Stop Taking You to Work Functions:  Your mate used to invite you out to meet clients and let you know where to meet them for happy hours but now company events are “employee’s only.” 

8.       Their Bedroom Behavior Changes: If they used to be all over you and are now blowing you off or  if they are wanting sex more than usual and trying loads of new things, that’s also a sign something is up.

9.       They Pressure You To Change: If the mate that used to love your no-nonsense Armani pantsuits and heels is now buying you floral dresses and Paris-Hilton pink shorts, it’s not a good sign.  Sure, your partner might like to see you in something fresh and new every once in a while but pushing your mate into dressing or acting like something they aren’t signals a disconnect.

10.   Communication Breaks Down:  If your mate used to love to share details of their day but now  stays mute or gives you one-word answers, they’re likely hiding something.

11.   Erased History:  If your mate closes down the computer, changes the screen or deletes their history every time they use the computer, they have a secret and it could be porn or another person.