Faith Therapy: One Working Partner

Q: My husband began to show greater allegiance to the female friend of one of his best friends from childhood than me. She knew more abut his dreams, hopes, plans, and he couldn’t resist any opportunity to help her relocation to our hometown run smoothly. I was pregnant throughout this kindling friendship, and yet she was the first priority. My complaints only earned me the title of “selfish” repeatedly by my husband. Eventually, he left our home and now lives with her. I talk to him daily and see him regularly because he supposedly wants to see our son. I’m sexually active with him because I am still his wife. I’m so confused and don’t know how to resolve this mess. Help!  

A: It puzzles me that you would continue to have sex with a so-called husband who lives with another woman. At this point, you don’t have a husband but a man interested in self-gratification. Unfortunately, you’re a willing participant in being used. Additionally, you leave yourself at risk for disease and vulnerable to continued rejection and heartbreak. 

First of all, reclaim your body and self-respect by stopping the sex immediately. Your chances of winning him back by making yourself a doormat are slim to none. You are only teaching him how to disrespect you because there are NO consequences for his bad behavior. 

Generally, human behavior only changes when certain actions result in discomfort or pain. It’s time you shared the burden of your failed marriage with your husband. 

Your dependence on his words without action when the first signs of unfaithfulness entered your marriage is part of what you need to address within yourself. Consider reading "Boundaries in Marriage," by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend as a helpful guide for recalibrating your perspective on marriage.

Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.