divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

cheating  :: counseling
Print
Email

You Can Get Over An Affair. Here's How


You Can Get Over An Affair. Here's How


If You Really Want To Save Your Marriage, You Can


By TINA TESSINA

    If you or your spouse have had an affair, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the process.

1. 'Fess up – learn to listen and talk with each other.
 If you’re serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken down.  It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication, but it’s the only way to repair the damage done.   8 Tips on Communication


2. Fix Problems.
Once the problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results.  Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what changes are needed.  d360 blogger POV: do you blame yourself for his affair?

As long as you’re stuck in blaming each other and defending yourself, you won’t be able to move forward. Forgiving each other doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness.  


More from d360: Everything You Need To Know About Infidelity

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.




divorce New this week::

The Truth About 'Divorce-Proofing' And 'Affair-Proofing' Your Marriage - What none of the so-called relationship/marriage experts is willing to admit

 

Divorce Survival: 5 Tips For Making It Through That First Year - Think you'll never feel normal again?

 

5 Keys to Co-Parenting Success After Divorce - It won't always be easy

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
get/give answers
Please read and tell me what you think?
I caught my wife in an affair a year ago. She admitted to it lasting for two...Read Answers/share yours 

How would you feel if your unfaithful spouse did this?
I caught my wife in an affair a year ago. She admitted to it lasting for two...Read Answers/share yours 

A relapse......or a bonafide story?
I caught my wife in an affair a year ago. She admitted to it lasting for two...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

2. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

3. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

4. Kids Don't Like New Partner?
Parenting: Advice to Consider When Your Kids Don't Like the New Love in Your Life

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out