Male therapists are just as likely as female therapists to encourage patients to admit infidelities to their spouses, a new University of Florida study finds. “Contrary to the perception that male counselors are less likely to reveal infidelity, because men in our society have more liberal attitudes about affairs and are more likely to have had them, that did not turn out to be the case in our study,” said Rosaria Carlone Upchurch, who conducted the research for her doctoral dissertation in counselor education.
Although male therapists who have had affairs themselves were less likely than female counterparts with the experience to encourage confessions, male therapists who had been faithful were more likely to promote disclosure than female therapists in the same position, she said.
Second only to physical abuse as the most devastating problem affecting families, infidelity is estimated to be present in as many as 90 percent of divorces, Upchurch said. Between 25 percent and 30 percent of married couples enter therapy with infidelity as their primary concern, while another 30 percent to 35 percent disclose it during therapy, she said.
“Infidelity creates such deep scars that when an affair is discovered, the betrayed partner experiences post-traumatic-like stress symptoms that if left untreated can escalate into major problems, including suicidal tendencies,” she said. “A helpful approach in therapy can result in a more favorable outcome for the couple, their children and society in general, as well as possibly reduce the number of suicides.”
Despite infidelity being a major issue, a recent survey found that only 11 percent of therapists had read a book or article on the subject, Upchurch said. “We’ve focused more on domestic violence and substance abuse, only recently beginning to pay attention to the impact infidelity has on families,” she said.
Upchurch, who owns and operates a marriage counseling practice in Daytona Beach, said one of her clients lamented that while his wife could find 25 to 30 books to cope with his affair, he could not find any to help him as the one who had done the betraying. “At the end of the affair, the person actually grieves the loss of that relationship,” she said. “We need to teach people how to cope with the aftermath of infidelity and to heal from it. And if there are children from the affair or sexually transmitted diseases that are acquired, the affair may follow the couple for the rest of their lives.”
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