Dr. Romance: Tips for Getting over an Affair

    If you or your spouse have had an affair, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. If both of you are prepared to work through the problems, the following tips can help you move through the process.

1. 'Fess up – learn to listen and talk with each other.
 If you’re serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly. Most of the time, affairs occur because the communication and intimacy in the relationship have broken down.  It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong. You may need professional help from a counselor or therapist to open up your communication, but it’s the only way to repair the damage done.   8 Tips on Communication

2. Fix Problems.
Once the problems have been identified, be willing to make the changes that will fix them. Doing things the same way you always have will give you the same results.  Again, it may take the objectivity of a counselor to help you figure out what changes are needed.  d360 blogger POV: do you blame yourself for his affair?

As long as you’re stuck in blaming each other and defending yourself, you won’t be able to move forward. Forgiving each other doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness.  


More from d360: Everything You Need To Know About Infidelity

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.