divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

cheating  :: counseling
Print
Email

4 Tips for a Cheater: Get Your Marriage Back on Track


4 Tips for a Cheater: Get Your Marriage Back on Track


Infidelity: How to Recover if You're the Cheater


By TINA TESSINA

 

To recover from infidelity and save your marriage: 

1. Tell the Truth.
Assuming your spouse found out, you didn't confess—this is the time to tell the whole truth. It's probably best done with a therapist present, to keep a lid on the emotional reactions.


2. Give your Spouse the Power.
When you cheated, you took your partner's power away, so now let your spouse be in charge. Your spouse had no say about the cheating, so giving up control will help re-balance the power. Confess, apologize, and then ask what you need to do to be forgiven. Humility is the order of the day. 



3. Get some Therapy.
Both of you need to recover from anger, resentment, grief, guilt and shock; this takes some time. You may each need individual therapy as well as couple therapy to repair the damage. Do whatever it takes, if you really want to stay in the marriage. 

4. Focus on the Marriage.
Cheating implies a personal problem with both integrity and impulse control, as well as a relationship problem that created an excuse for the cheating. Focus not only on confession and forgiveness, but on repairing whatever was wrong in the marriage to start with. 

 

Keep Reading:

Are you the Cheater?
Your Spouse May Not Want to Know

Got a Cheater?
3 Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator

Is Your Spouse Cheating?
7 Signs to Look For (#2 May Shock You!)

Cheaters Beware: Your Spouse May be Spying



Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.




divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 

Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes

 

Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Good and cheap ? Yes, sir!
top 10 fifa coin sellers www.fifacoinsreviews.com Good and cheap ? Yes, sir!Our...read more 

Qianling Mausoleum Travel Near Xian and Xianyang International Airport
Qianling Mausoleum of China day tours is the joint tomb of Gaozong (Li Zhi,...read more 

get/give answers
expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

4. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out

5. When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?
10 Things to Think About When Considering Whether to Stick with a Relationship