Tips to Keep from Having an Office Affair

    Pick a cheater, any cheater, and ask him why he had an affair. Nine times out of 10, the answer will be, “It just happened.” Wrong. While psychologists may not agree on the ‘whys’ behind an extramarital affair, they do agree that affairs don’t just happen. At some level, a conscious choice is made, said Tina B. Tessina, 64, a Long Beach, Calif.-based psychotherapist and author of "The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart" (Adams Media, April 2008). “You have to decide that you are going to do this. No one makes you.”    

Since the number one place for affairs to blossom is in the workplace, she and several others with expertise in the arena of extramarital affairs, warn that we should all be extra careful at work to keep our boundaries in place. Among their tips to keep an office affair from happening:

1. Never go out socially with a coworker from the opposite sex, especially your boss, and especially not alone.  
“Infidelity can sneak up on even the most solid partnerships,” said Stephany Alexander, CEO of www.womansavers.com, a Web site devoted to research on men and relationships with an extensive polling database. “92 percent of 6,330 women believe that emotional affairs lead to physical affairs, whereas only a mere 8 percent believe they do not.”
   
2. Keep  your friendships out of the office.
Since office affairs usually genesis slowly and begin as an emotional connection, Alexander warns that even the most innocuous friendship at work has the potential to morph into something more. The best defense is offense. Keep your relationship inside those office walls.

3. Don't drink.
If for some reason you find yourself in the position where you have to go out, whatever you do, don’t drink. “Drinking alcohol or using drugs during or after office hours with a co-worker of the opposite sex is one of the quickest ways that lead to infidelity because it lowers your inhibitions,” she said. “Even having a cocktail at a business lunch can lead to more intimate conversations and inappropriate behavior.”   

4. If you're a woman, consider the motive.
While you might not be looking for an affair, that doesn’t mean your coworker isn’t. “Men deliberately try to go to lunch with attractive women at work by themselves because they want the opportunity to occur,” said David Pounder, 31, who has his doctoral degree from the Kinsey Institute for Sex Research at Indiana University.  “So to reduce office affairs it is important to educate women that doing things alone with men from work, such as meetings, lunch, etc., creates an environment for an emotional connection to occur, and effectively increases the risk of an office affair dramatically.”

5. No lunches or meetings alone.
“The bottom line is that you shouldn't go to lunch or any other work function with a member of the opposite sex alone. If you are serious about your existing relationship, always invite a friend or other co-workers along to prevent the environment for an emotional connection to occur," Pounder said. Alexander agreed, adding that even one-on-one meetings with member of the opposite sex at work can be dangerous and even viewed as a possible impropriety. “Now I know it’s not possible to always have meetings in groups,” she said. “However, if you know you are attracted to an acquaintance, try to plan your meetings in groups because this helps lower the intimacy factor.”   

6. Bring your spouse on business trips -- if you can.
And if you have to travel for your job, Alexander says try to bring your spouse along. “Travel on business meetings together whenever possible. The old saying "when the cat's away, the mouse will play" rings very true. Don't put yourself in situations where you are more likely to cheat such as going on solo vacations or going to a bar alone. If you are traveling for business and your partner is unable to join you, phone them daily to stay in touch,” she said.    

7. It's business, not personal.
Keep it strictly business in and out of the office. “The office is meant for business, not gossip or intimate details,” said Alexander. “Don’t flirt, touch or wear revealing clothing if you are a woman. Keep it professional.”