Jon & Kate (Plus 8) Divorcing

After photos and rumors of infidelity, Kate and Jon Gosselin, from the 'Jon & Kate Plus 8'  reality show, announced that they would be divorcing.  

When talking about the pending divorce, Kate did state that "she was worried about "the label" and "being a statistic".   She added that "It's going to give me a whole new empathy for people who do it."

What drove this couple to divorce?  Was it the alleged infidelity or the pressures from the reality show?  When asked if the show conrtibuted to this divorce decision, Kate said that she believes "it's a chapter that would have played out had the world been watching or not."

The process of divorce is painful.   Jon described the day to day situation as "we don't have anything now,  It's just like two people who happen to live here.   It's just not good for our kids, for us to be arguing in front of our kids. We can't be cordial in front of each other, so we decided to separate.  I was too passive, I let her rule the roost and went along with everything and now I stood up on my own two feet and I'm proud of myself."

Kate explained that she is "tired of smiling in the outside and crying on the inside. I've been doing that for a long time. I had a half a day where I let myself fall apart and hyperventilate and sob harder than I've ever sobbed in my life. By the time I woke up the next morning, I decided I need relief."

She described how she is "kind of lost. He won't hold a discussion with me. I don't know that he knows what he wants." Still, both said that they don't "hate" each other, and that divorcing was the best decision for the kids.

If the Jon & Kate divorce is about infidelity, why did it happen?  Was it the pressure from the reality show or is there something else that drives people to cheat?

According to a few recent studies, somewhere close to half of all married people will be unfaithful at some point during the course of their married relationships. For men, that number is slightly higher, anywhere from 50 to 60 percent. 

“Both men and women have different levels of societal permission.”   Tina Pittman-Wagers, a psychology professor at the University of Colorado at Boulder who studies infidelity and has written many articles and papers on treating it, agrees. “There are many different reasons why people cheat,” she says. “Women are more likely to connect with loneliness, they are more likely to enter into affairs when they are already done with their marriage.”  

Many men who talk about infidelity, on the other hand, report coming from marriages that were mostly happy. “Men are much more likely to say their marriages were fine,” says Pittman-Wagers, who says that often it is the affair itself that places the stress on the relationship. “Clearly, once an affair is entered into, some dissatisfaction starts,” she says.   For men, once the excitement of new love fades, they are less likely to get the same validation that women get from a long-term relationship.