Did Cindy McCain Cheat?

    Did she or didn't she? That's the question everyone is asking of former presidential candidate John McCain's wife, Cindy, who -- according to a recent National Enquirer article -- has been seen with another man.

McCain and his wife met while he was married to his previous wife, Carol, who was disfigured in a car accident while he was a prisoner of war in Vietnam. He agreed to pay her medical expenses, and she agreed to a divorce so he could marry Cindy, who is now accused of stepping out on her politician husband.

There's been no comment from the McCains about the Enquirer's story, so there is still doubt about whether it is true.

This isn't the first time the supermarket tabloid has made allegations of infidelity on its front cover. Last year, it broke the story about former presidential candidate John Edwards having an affair with a film producer who did a web segment on his campaign. Though he initially denied the story, the tabloid continued to cover additional stories until bloggers and the mainstream media picked it up. Edwards eventually admitted his infidelity on national TV, saying it took place while his wife, Elizabeth, was in remission from breast cancer.

The question remains: did the heiress, whose family made its fortune through beer distributorships, cheat on her husband, who is 20 years older than she is? Divorce360.com experts said they not want to discuss the allegations, since they have not been confirmed. But they did say it was tough to make a high-profile marriage work, particularly when there's a large age difference.

"Whether it's a sports figure, movie star or politician, being married to someone who is always busy and always the center of attention isn't easy," said relationship expert Brenda Della Casa, author of "Cinderella Was A Liar. "Not only do many spouses have to compete with the spotlight for attention and affection but very few people talk about the kind of self esteem issues that can arise in the partner of someone being adored 24-7."

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D., co-founder of hermentorcenter.com, which helps women going through the transition of a divorce, agreed, adding: "The one who is not (in the spotlight) may have an identity derived from close proximity to the one with power. This is an external construct and doesn't bode well." 

In a high-powered marriage, "She's got her interests, he's got his," said Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and author of a number of relationship books including "The Commuter Marriage." "He's very consumed with his career, maybe not giving enough time and affection to her."

The real problem, according to Della Casa, is "Being married to a powerful man or woman can be exciting in many ways but it can also leave their partners feeling stuck in a constant state of 'less than.' The desire to control a situation, get one over on their powerful spouse or exert defiance can all be motivations for sneaking around."

But none of it is an excuse for infidelity in a marriage or committed relationship, Della Casa said. "Affairs are usually never about sex and nearly always about what is going on inside of the mind and heart of a cheater," Della Casa said. "Whether it's feeling abandoned, resentful, competitive or acting out, there is usually a lot more to it than wanting a little action on the side."

The test of a relationship is how well couples communicate those issues, she said. "There are always going to be issues in relationships and sometimes we will be tempted to run out, act out or do things that are detrimental to ourselves, our lives and the lives of those who love us but making the choice to communicate with your partner instead of hopping into bed with someone else comes down to character," Della Casa said.

"Cheaters don't seem to understand how difficult it can be for betrayed partners to move past infidelity because cheaters often see it as meaningless sex when it's so much more," Della Casa added. "It's disrespect, humiliation and total disregard for the person you have given your word to. For politicians and movie stars, it's under a world-wide microscope but, really, it can be the same for Jane or Joe Average in Anytown, USA. If your whole town knows your business, that is your whole world."


TIPS TO HELP A HIGH-PROFILE MARRIAGE

1. Work on intimacy.
Tessina said the couple should focus on each other and intimacy when you get a chance. Pay close attention to what your partner does when you are away. "Show a lot of interest in what he's doing, so he knows you are aware and you care," Tessina said. 

2. Work on life balance.
According to Goldberg, balance is the key. "Build on the connection in the relationship but, most important, creating a deeper and more meaningful sense of self -- through work, family, friendship, (giving back.)," she said. "Having a full and independent life with passion and engagement is more psychologically adaptive than filling up on another love. And without understanding your own personal psychology and motivation, most likely the new love will also be emotionally unavailable."