divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

causes-of-divorce  :: communication
Print
Email

Do You Want To Save Your Marriage?


Do You Want To Save Your Marriage?


3 Tips To Help You Figure Out What You Really Want


By SUSIE AND OTTO COLLINS

Communication is one of the top problem areas between people in any relationship. The reason that most people have communication challenges is that they are afraid if they say to their partner what they are really thinking and feeling, and acknowledge what’s going on inside them, they will destroy their relationship. And you may be at that point right now in your relationship.  

If you’re thinking about divorce, chances are your communication is not what it could be and maybe even nonexistent. You and your partner are probably not saying what you are really feeling or maybe you are and it’s pushing you further away from each other. In either case, the two of you have probably built some pretty big walls between you.  


In order for you to make the most conscious decision possible of whether to stay in or leave your relationship, it’s helpful for you to look at how the two of you communicate with each other and make some changes. Those changes can help you see if there’s any life left in the relationship and decide you want to stay or see clearly that the right decision for you is to leave. So what changes could you make in your communication in order to clarify your decision? If your marriage is rocky and communication is an issue, here are three ways you can make small and not so small changes right now to gain that clarity…   

1. Be honest with yourself.  
Most people in situations like yours are not honest with themselves and we’re guessing that you’ve been hiding the truth from yourself too. Take some time by yourself, go to a quiet place and answer this question… (Just keep writing for five minutes or so and let it all out.)  “What would you most like to say to your partner if you felt safe enough and free to say it  — with no consequences?”   

2. Say what is true for you.
Say what you feel safe enough saying without anger or resentment. Look at what you wrote and circle what is at the heart of it. Tell your partner without your emotions getting in the way.  If you can’t speak it in person, try writing it.   

3. Ask to work it out.
Ask your partner if there’s a way to work out this situation and stay open to listening or reading what he or she says without becoming defensive.  

Staying open to just listening or even reading what your partner feels without getting defensive takes courage and it takes practice. Staying open does open a door to understanding each other, no matter what you decide to do. Getting defensive shuts the door.  

When couples are having marriage problems, communication is usually one of the first skills that fall apart. If this is true for you, decide to make some changes that will help you create more of what you want in your life — whether you stay or leave.    



Susie and Otto Collins are the creators of passionateheart.com and http://www.collinspartners.com and authors of many books, including "7 Intimacy Secrets For Loving More & Connecting Deeper","How To Heal your Broken Heart", "Should you stay or should you go?" , and "No More Jealousy" . They are relationship coaches and life partners, and can be reached at webmaster@collinspartners.com.




divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 

Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes

 

Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Appreciate Religious Artworks in Mogao Grottoes
The Mogao Caves (aka Mogao Grottoes, Caves of the Thousand Buddhas, or Caves...read more 

With all the Faroe Islands visiting Belfast
Some of those assisting the younger gamers bed-was match-winner Lafferty, who...read more 

get/give answers
New to the site and idea of divorce....
how do i get the courage to ask for a divorce from my husband of 23...Read Answers/share yours 

thanks
Hello my Name is MISS TESSY JERRY, I head that my husband  was having an affair...Read Answers/share yours 

New to the site and idea of divorce....
how do i get the courage to ask for a divorce from my husband of 23...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

4. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out