Passionate Heart: Deciding When to Go

    When trying to decide whether or not to continue your marriage, many questions can arise.  Whatever next step you take, you want tobe sure you are making the best decision foryourself and your future.  We recommend that yout ake a deep breath and a step back and tune into how you feel about your relationship. 

As you take note of your feelings, pay particular attention to the communication tendencies in your marriage. This will give you more information to help you with the decision and possible changes ahead.If you’ve ever talked on a cell phone, it is likely that you have experienced disruption in your conversation.

Whether the other person is driving through a tunnel or moving into an out ofsignal zone, parts of the conversation can be lost, static makes for hard hearing, or the connection is completely cut off. Maybe you were sharing feelings that weren’t easy to speak. Or perhaps you were asking the other person to pickup something from the store. It goes without saying that a strained or cut off phone connection doesn’t feel good and makes it more difficult for you to get what you want. This is also true of communication lines in a marriage.  When there is disconnection and both people are unable to speak and really hear oneanother, frustration, misunderstandings and further disconnection often occur.  

Perhaps you communicate with one another clearly and lovingly about certain topics, but the connection “cuts out” on others. Or maybe it seems that everything you try to talk about goes the “wrong way” or isn’t heard in the first place.As you consider the important decision of whether to stay or leave your marriage, take a moment to answer these questions about communication….

1.  Do you feel safe sharing your feelings with your spouse?
2.  Do you feel like your partner listens to you when you talk?
3.  Are there things that you would say to yourpartner if it felt safer to do so?
4.  Are there specific topics that you or yourspouse are unwilling to talk about? If yes, what are they and why is there an unwillingness to talk about them?

While answering these questions may not give you a final answer about whether to stay in your marriage, they will help you see the communication patterns that your partnership is based on more clearly.  Regardless of yourdecision, you can set the intention tocommunicate more openly and honestly with the people in your life.




Susie and Otto Collins are the creators of passionateheart.com or http://www.collinspartners.com. They are relationship coaches and life partners. Their formal training has been with Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute and Comprehensive Coaching U and with Dr. Belinda Gore. They can be reached at webmaster@collinspartners.com.