Living with a Habitual Liar?

2. Covering or rubbing eyes, nose or ears or blocking mouth.
Walters says being aware of the following tell tale signs can help you spot tall tales: Negation cues such as covering or blocking the mouth or covering or rubbing the eyes, nose or ears. Aversion clues such as turning the head or body away when making a crucial statement.

3. Using religious phrases or turning away.
Religious phrases such as ‘I swear on my mother’s grave tend;” “God, no;” or “as God is my witness.” For example, Walters points out that when Diane Sawyer asked Scott Peterson if he had ever hit or harmed his pregnant wife Laci, who was later found dead, Peterson turned slightly away from Sawyer and said, “No. No. My God, no,” which hits both two and three on the list of signs.

4. Using repeating denial phrases.
Denial phrases such as “trust me,” “honestly,” “and “to be perfectly honest” are evasive. Evasion is about trying to change a perception about actions. For instance I don’t steal: I borrow. I’m not lying: I misspoke. I wasn’t speeding: I was keeping up with traffic. When President Bill Clinton talked about White House intern Monica Lewinsky, he said, “I want you to listen to me . I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time. Never. These allegations are false." Denial phrases repeated over and over, which are typical clues to lying.

One sign, by itself, doesn't necessarily mean someone is lying. However, says Walters, when you see clusters of two or more signs, you can be pretty sure someone is telling a whopper.


HOW TO AVOID GETTING TAKEN

If you’re living with someone who lies,  “There’s a formula that goes with the lying process,” said Walters. “Desire. Opportunity. Ability. Spouses can’t do much about mate’s desire or ability to lie to them. The only thing we can control is the opportunity for the lie to succeed.”  

Refusing to buy into a lie removes you from the target list because people continue to lie when they know they can get away with it. So, don’t step over something that doesn’t pass the smell test. On the other hand, unless you want to destroy the relationship, don’t scream, “You’re a freaking liar.”  

Instead, try an approach that gives the other person an opportunity to be forthcoming. For example: “I think there’s something going on that you’re worried about how I’m going to react when I find out and I think we need to bring it out into the open so we can handle it together.”  

“If you tell your spouse I want the best relationship. So, I’ll always be honest with you. Can you commit to being honest with me, even if it’s hard? It’s amazing how people will stick to that commitment,” said Walters.  

On the other hand, if you find that your spouse is continually abusing you by lying, they care more about themselves than you, which means it’s time to reconsider the relationship. “We don’t have to be victims of deception. We don’t deserve that. So, protect yourself from someone who takes advantage of you and uses you,” said Walters.  


TO WATCH A VIDEO FEATURING STAN WALTERS:
http://www.stanbwalters.com/video.htm 


TO READ MORE

Click here to see more stories about infidelity and related topics.  



Laurie S. Moison (Hall) has written for newspapers in Vermont, New Hampshire, Delaware, and Washington, D. C. Author of four books, including "An Affair of the Mind," she has lectured nationally on sexuality, forgiveness, ethics and spirituality. She can be reached at lhall@together.net.