Another letter to my wife that I will never give her.

There are some parts in here that I would and may let her hear/see, but it won't do me any good, so... Nah   ;o)  

"You chose that our marriage wasn't worth it to you to be saved, and I deserve better. After 12 years together - if you can just decide I'm not, and we're not worth even considering, then that's your problem - not mine. I have been willing to go to work and put forth whatever effort it takes because I feel that it's worth it, but I can't and won't do it alone, and I feel that I deserve more than what you are willing to offer, so if this is truly the way you feel - I can do better.    

I also take solace in the fact that I know I am a better person, and will continue to be a better person. I got the wake-up call and finally decided I was tired of not liking the person I saw in the mirror. I'm learning a lot of things about myself that I always knew, but would never admit, and I can't fix things that I am in denial about. I have learned a lot in the way of humility, and I know I am far from done. Again - I am not a bad person! I am actually a great person, who has simply made some dumb mistakes and poor choices. I'm lucky that I have big mistakes, and have been given an opportunity - no matter how horrible an opportunity - to fix those mistakes and lead a new life as a new man! I've ALWAYS been good with the "little stuff". Am I perfect? NOOOO... Will I ever be? Not even close! However - neither is anyone else, and for me to think I can "fix" myself to a state of perfection is setting myself up for failure. I'm not a failure, and I'm not a quitter. You look at me and see my failures, my shortcomings, and my imperfections. I used to see the same person, because your attitude towards me was a constant reminder. Now I look at me, and - finally - I see a great person, with a few things to work on. And guess what? Any woman worth my time will see the exact same thing!    

So in conclusion, I would like to say thank you! Thank you for showing me that I have been selling myself short all these years by not letting myself change. Thank you for providing me with the vision to see that I don't need you, or anyone else, to make myself happy. Thank you for the great times I had the opportunity to share with you - those are the memories I will hold onto! They give me a goal of what I want the rest of my life to be like, only without the difficulties caused by mistakes made by us BOTH. Holding onto the hurt provides absolutely no value in my life moving forward. I have finally made peace with the fact that I can control absolutely NOTHING in this world, except my own actions. I have a great responsibility over myself, and the effect I cause on others that surround me, and for that - I feel truly empowered AND humbled. I know that I cannot remove your flaws or imperfections, nor those of anyone else. That is the responsibility of you and you only, and you have to want it.  

Always remember that you can't progress into the future, if you can't let go of the past."  

(This one is a little nicer than the one I wrote last night, huh? LOL!)


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