When the Other Parent Leaves

    So you’re divorced. Now what? The realization that you are living on your own as the primary caretaker for your kids can be overwhelming at the very least.    

“The first six months is important because you are just getting your bearings,” said Brenda Rodstrom, LCSW, a therapist in private practice in Manhattan. “It’s a process. I recommend to anyone, even if they are seeing me privately, to get into a group. There is an isolation that follows divorce and death. You need to de-isolate.”    

According to Rodstrom, 59, who is also a former divorcee, there are some very concrete things you can do to help get yourself organized and lessen the stress. “I came up with a single parents survival kit to help with the common problems we all face once we are on our own,” she said.
 

1. Get some kind of support group.
“If you can’t find it in your community, you can find one online,” she said. You have to make a concerted effort to start to build your new family based on reciprocity and support. “It can also help to start building self-esteem. You realize “I am not the only one.            

2. Make an emergency list.
Decide who is going to be on your list for emergencies.

3. Assign days to support group members.
Divide up days so each of member of your support group takes turns watching the kids so the other can have time alone.        

4. Cook with the group.
Get together once a month or week to cook en masse and divide up the meals.            

5. Focus on personal growth and stress reduction.
“So much of being a parent takes an emotional and physical toll on you that you have to get out and do something for yourself on an ongoing basis,” she said.Try an activity that you never did or go back to something you gave up in your marriage. “I rediscovered my love of hiking after I got divorced,” said Rodstrom. “I love music so I took up an instrument. Put yourself out there. Try anything creative.”