Using Your Kid Against Your Ex

“After I review all documents and if I have reason to believe that alienation is an issue, I am asked to testify. Basically, I am creating a focus or backdrop as how the attorney can use other testimony to fit into what I am saying. While attorneys try to discredit it, no judge has ever said “I don’t want to hear what Darnall has to say.”     

The lack of science debate is infuriating, according to Bonnie Russell, who monitors family courts for her web site,  “I think the courts are fond of saying there no such thing as parental alienation where we all know that such a thing does exist,” she said. “There is no science on it, they say. But there doesn’t need to be. It’s not a science. It’s an action.”   

And that manipulative action doesn’t just include the children; it can often extend to those who know both spouses. “It’s very subtle and what the spouse will do is poison people against the other spouse and the unsuspecting spouse doesn’t even know it. The alienating parent might say to a teacher of their child, “I am concerned about the mental instability about my former spouse. That is one of the reasons I am leaving her.” What do you think that does to that person’s reputation?” she said.   

“It basically accomplishes three things. First, it poisons the well. Second, it presents the manipulating parent as the most concerned parent. And third, it makes people suspicious of someone who has no idea that this is even happening.”   

Tiffany Doty, 43, is on the front lines of such a battle – but not for herself. Her sister, Gina Peterson of Laguna Niguel, Calif., who was legally divorced in 2004, is still fighting what she believes to be the continual parental alienation of her kids by her ex-husband, who currently has temporary custody of their youngest two daughters. A court order by a judge in Orange County who is hearing the case forbids either party to publicly discuss the case.   

“It’s been a year of perpetual continuances and use of ex-parte. She is trying to get custody back, but he is manipulating the children. I don’t know what he is up to,” said Doty, who lives in Seattle, Wash. “The kids love Gina, but they are not allowed visitation with her right now.”   

Doty believes that her sister is embroiled in a classic case of parental alienation, provoked by her ex-husband, and probably has been manipulated from the start. “My sister, she has such a kind heart, she is always the mom that all the kids can talk to. She would help a worm across the street. But her kindness is her downfall, too. Always expecting that George is going to change. Asking him to co-parent with her. She says, ‘we should be co-parent together and not be at each other’s throats.’ But he doesn’t seem to care. I think to him, it’s about winning,” said Doty.