Stepfamily Talk: Stress at the Holidays

Sad Stepmom


Dear Sad Stepmom,

Without question, the holidays are the most stressful time of year for stepfamilies. It’s really important to let go of your fantasies about the holidays and be as flexible as possible.

It’s understandable that you would feel badly about your husband spending time with his ex on Christmas. I think it’s critical to look at what’s best for the kids. Does it make them happy to spend time with both parents on Christmas? I suspect it does. Perhaps you could just accept this and ask your husband to limit the time he spends with his ex on Christmas.

I think it’s a bad idea to fight with the exes over how much time you get to spend with the kids on Christmas. Your stepchildren will feel the tension and it will hurt them. One option is to choose another day to celebrate with the kids. Or you could ask if the children could be with you on Christmas Eve.

Try to avoid competing with his ex. I’m sure your husband takes part in this competition, and that makes it hard for you. You might also want to read this story about our own family’s adventures inviting the ex-spouses for Christmas.

Good luck.

Lisa


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Lisa Cohn has written for the Christian Science Monitor, Parenting, Mothering, Your Stepfamily Magazine and other publications. She writes an advice column for Philly Women (www.philly.com) and is the co-host of Stepfamily Talk Radio (www.stepfamilytalkradio.com.) Lisa has been quoted about divorce and stepfamilies by the Associated Press, Washington Post, Time Magazine, msn.com and other media outlets.