Family Ties: What About Her Kids?

It is important that you, and Amanda, are patient with her children; give them time to get to know you. Participate in enjoyable activities with the children on a regular basis, so they associate being with you with having fun. Teach them something new: how to fly a kite, how to juggle, how to do a magic trick (or whatever particular skills you have that children might be interested in). Spend some time alone with them on occasion doing fun things, and be supportive of Amanda spending time alone with her children without you. 

Avoid criticizing or punishing the children and try to be positive with them and compliment them on their strengths, accomplishments, and good behavior. Also avoid saying anything negative or critical about their biological father. Many stepchildren, over time, do develop good, loving relationships with their stepfathers. In some cases, they may be adults before they are able to accept and appreciate a stepparent.

It is important that you, and Amanda, have realistic expectations and are patient. You and Amanda should focus on meeting each other’s needs in your relationship. If the children grow to like you, that is a bonus. All you can do is try to give the children reasons to like you (e.g. you do fun things with them and are nice to them) and avoid giving the children reasons to dislike you.