Do You Respect The Ex?

    You're divorced, but you still see your ex. How do you handle it? Here are three tips to help.

1. Treat your ex as politely as you treat your friends or co-workers. 
Don’t be as familiar as you used to be. A little less familiarity will generate a little more respect. Say “Hello”, “Goodbye”, “Please” and “Thank You” – those magic words work as well for you as they do for your children. He’s extended family now, and as with extended family, you don’t have to like him, you just have to get along.

2. Stop blaming your ex for whatever went wrong. 
Admit it takes two, and look for your part (maybe just putting up with too much for too long.) Once you understand the dynamics of your old relationship, you’ll feel less upset, and have an easier time forgiving and letting bygones be bygones. You don’t have to tell your ex what you understand, but your acceptance of some responsibility will make your interactions calmer and more respectful.

3. If you have children, respect your ex as your child’s other parent. 
Your child needs to know that both of you are worthwhile people. Whether or not you have children, respect your ex as a person you once loved enough to marry – no matter how mistaken you might have been.  You once had hopes and dreams with this person. Though the dreams have died, and been replaced by new ideas, the person you once dreamed with deserves your respect.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.