Divorced Good at Parenting

Put simply, Ashley explained, a child has to be able to, for example, see a funny television show while visiting one parent and feel like it is OK that he wants to call his other parent and tell him or her about the show. “Every child believes in his heart that he is half mommy and half daddy,” Ashley said. “If you say something bad about mommy, then he is going to feel like you are saying something bad about him. “You can have a good divorce, but you just have to be two really mature parents.”

Quaranta maintains that she and her ex acting like grown ups is what helped her daughter recognize that her parents’ divorce was the best option in the end. It is important, Quaranta said, that “both parents are on speaking terms and can be in the same room when it is necessary for their kids.” It is vital that these meetings are done, however, “without demonstrating any stress levels that will be felt by their kids,” Quaranta said.

Moskovitch, like Quaranta, stands by her belief that children’s best interest must always be put first. “Children are the ones who live out divorce,” Moskovitch said. “Parents should want to give their children a ‘normal’ life, so that they see themselves as regular kids, not children of divorce. “I’ve learned that no matter how difficult things become, I must always look at how my children are going to be affected by certain situations. In many circumstances, I must rise above and put my emotions on the shelf, so that my children are not involved and affected.”

Robin suggests that parents must also realize that divorce is a reality-check for children. “There is a loss of innocence involved in divorce where the happily ever after is just gone,” Robin said. But Quaranta suggests that the simple recognition of this theory is the key-factor to helping kids become successful products of divorce. “My daughter will always wish that her father and I never divorced, but she also knows that we are always here for her, together when necessary, and that she will make sure that any relationship she is in is for the right reason and that it will last.”


SEVEN TIPS FOR PARENTING FROM AFAR 

Whether afar is across town or across the country these tips will help any parent who is not currently sleeping under the same roof as his or her children. If you have not done so already, call a truce with your Ex. (Note: Your Ex does not have to take the same action.)

1. Set up web cams on your computer and your kids’ computers. Make sure that your kids have cell phones with your number programmed in. And, learn to send them text messages. 

2. Watch TV together. Let your children know that you will be watching their favorite shows and be ready to talk about these shows. 

3. Keep up with schoolwork. Send teachers pre-addressed, stamped manila envelopes so that it’s easy to send you updates. If you hear nothing be sure to initiate communications with teachers by telephone and email. 

4. Make audio and videotapes for your kids and encourage them to make them for you. If you have nothing to say, simply record yourself reading a book and then mail both the book and the tape. 

5. Remember small events. Send cards, pictures and letters for Halloween, Valentine’s Day, July 4th, etc.

Source:  AFriendlyDivorce.com

Caroline Shannon has been a journalist for seven years. In addition to writing for several publications, including the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and Observer-Reporter, Caroline is a lover of all things related to health and nutrition. She has been a runner for more than 10 years and is a certified Pilates instructor. Caroline lives in Pittsburgh with her fiancé and two kittens, Emerson and Cooper. She can be reached at caroline.shannon@hotmail.com.