Arguing Over a Sick Child?

    Thirty-three percent of Americans have missed one to three days of work each year caring for a sick child, surveys say. This can be a problem in marriages where both spouses work. Each faces the added stress of work issues to the constant worry of a sick child.

But what if the sickness was recurring, ongoing or permanant?  “Having a sick child compounds all other pressures,” said Benny Benjamin, pastoral counselor. Marriages are at a greater risk during times of stress but there are ways to combat the pressures.   

“...It takes its toll on a marriage and family," said Amy Coldren, a certified master social worker with Alive Hospice. “Any weakness a marriage had before the illness will be magnified."

About 63 percent of the nation's children less than five years of age are in a child-care arrangement during the work week, reports The National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies (NACCRRA). And sick children aren't allowed in a day care, according to Edna Murray, owner of Busy Bee Day Care.

When daycare is not a viable option, the problems kick in. “Communication is really the key.” Benjamin explained.  

It is important to learn to respect the other spouse’s style of coping. As long as it is not abusive, there is no wrong way to cope. There are several techniques counselors use to battle the effects this kind of stress on a relationship:

1. HAVE A PLAN.
Give some thought to what would happen if your child or children became ill. Who would miss work? Who would take care of the child and for how long? Discuss and agree on a plan of action before the situation occurs to avoid disagreements during a time when emotions are running high.  

2. USE COMMON SENSE.
Whose schedule is more flexible? If you already do the carpooling, shouldn’t you be the one to shuttle sick ones to the doctor?  

3. BE FAIR.
Split the responsibilities evenly to evade feelings of unjust treatment. Divide the responsibilities in a way that fits your family lifestyle. Take turns taking the baby to the doctor or split the week in half; one parent is caretaker the first half and the other the second.  

4. KEEP IN MIND THE SICK CHILD IS ONLY ONE FAMILY MEMBER.
There are other members who also need attention.  

Kelly Sons is a journalist and newspaper reporter in Tennessee. She has more than 15 years in writing both in print and online.