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People need to learn to see all they have to offer now. Instead of thinking I’m not this and I’m not that, they need to start saying BUT I am this...

Trust After Divorce


Trust After Divorce


Infidelity: After the Divorce, 10 Tips for Assessing your Next Partner's Trustworthiness


By LAURIE MOISON



Schoen also realized that she had married too young. “I was only 25. I didn’t really know myself and what I wanted out of life,” she said. Today, Schoen recommends people wait until 30 to get married. “People are changing so much in their 20s. Yet, they’re making career and relationship decisions that they’re going to have to live with for the rest of their lives,” she said. 

When Schoen was ready to get back into the dating game, she entered a frenetic time she dubs the “hummingbird phase.” “I dated a lot and I made every mistake in the book,” she said. Gradually, she slowed down the pace of dating and developed a strategy for finding the right man. As part of that strategy, she hired a personal coach to help her “get it right this time.” The decision to hire a coach gave her critical tools for finding a fulfilling relationship. It would also prove to give her a fulfilling new career path.
 
GETTING IT RIGHT

When Schoen met Alan, he didn’t immediate register on the top of her radar as a potential spouse. “We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other. He grew on me gradually,” she said. What sealed the deal for her was the way Alan helped her get through 9-11. The day the Twin Towers came down, Schoen was in New York City on business. She was walking through Times Square on her way to an appointment when American Airlines Flight 11 crashed into the North Tower. As she was seeking safety, Schoen and Alan talked on her cell phone until the line went dead because the cell towers had gone down. Alan immediately went to work, finding a way to get Schoen out of New York City and finding someone to take care of her cat until she could get home. “He showed me what kind of person he was,” Schoen recalled. In so doing, he earned her trust.

Within three months, they were engaged. Deciding they wanted to go into this relationship with eyes open and no stone left unturned, the couple worked with a life coach to learn each other’s triggers and how to communicate with each other in non-threatening ways. Today, they have been happily married for five years, and Schoen is using her life experiences to help others. Certified in co-active life coaching, Schoen is the founder of Heartmind Connection Coaching and uses her writing skills and a mix of life coaching, relationship building tools and business consulting tips to help single professionals .            

Schoen was also a contributing author, along with top experts such as John Gray and Jack Canfield, to "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2." Her new book, "Get It Right This Time: How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship," uses her Thrive Model™ to help readers sort through what they need and want most in a relationship and then develop a strategy to achieve it. 


She asks clients to make at least a three-month commitment of one-on-one coaching sessions for $1,995. The other option is a 10-week "Motivated to Marry," tele-coaching program that includes 10 teleclasses, three one-on-one coaching sessions, help developing an internet dating profile and a copy of her book " Motivated to Marry." ® The cost is $9.95.

During their coaching sessions, Schoen works with her clients to do an in-depth values clarification and make sure their lives are in balance. “A lot of times professional people don’t make time for dating,” she said. “You have to look at dating and your life from a holistic perspective because dating doesn’t happen in isolation.”

Part of balancing client’s lives is clearing away their roadblocks, both the internal stuff such as limiting beliefs and stinkin’ thinking,’ and the external stuff, such as toxic jobs and really bad relationships that they’re holding on to. “Once the roadblocks are cleared away, really wonderful things happen,” Schoen said. In addition, Schoen helps her clients learn how to focus on what they have to offer the world. “Dating again makes you feel the insecurities you felt the first time around. Well, back then, you were just a kid,” said Schoen. “People need to learn to see all they have to offer now. Instead of thinking I’m not this and I’m not that, they need to start saying BUT I am this and I am that.”

Her clients find their ideal romantic relationships in their own time. One client took two years. However long they take, Schoen’s program seems to be working. So far, six of her clients have married and one more is engaged. Plus, she has a number of clients who are in long-term committed relationships. “Once you learn how to see your own magnificence, others can surely see it,” she said.



PERSONAL COACHING: WHAT IS IT?                 

Personal coaching is a unique, intimate relationship. If you are disturbed, your coach understands. If you are stuck, your personal coach is patient. If you can’t wait to share a victory, your coach will celebrate. A good personal coach will not make you wrong, criticize you, complain to or about you. Sometimes coaching is face to face, while other coaches work over the phone, offering 30- to 60-minute sessions one to three times a month. Personal coaching can range in cost from $200 a month to $600 a month and up. Coach and client work out the details. Most coaches ask for a minimum three-month commitment.

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