Stepfamily Talk: Dating After Divorce

Thanks,                     

 A.M.                      


Dear A.M.,          

I often hear from parents who, like you, say they don’t have enough time to date. In general, I recommend that you don’t introduce your kids to your dates until you are dating one person exclusively and feel committed to that person. Sometimes, kids will get attached to one of your dates, and will be disappointed if you break up. If you do a lot of dating, this can happen over and over.          

On the other hand, it’s always interesting to see how your dates react to your children. You also learn a lot about them when you see them interacting with their own children. You might meet someone at a school or sporting event, or at a museum or park and gain important information this way. When I was dating, if I met another father in the park, I sometimes arranged to meet that dad again in the park with his kids and my kids. This wasn’t exactly a date, but a “get-together” with him and his kids. Meeting at the park meant that the kids could play separately if they wanted. There wasn’t a lot of pressure for everyone to be together.                   

It’s understandable that your date wants to spend time alone with you. Is it possible that you could leave your son for short periods of time with a family member or friend? Could you sometimes hire a babysitter? Could you swap with another parent, offering to care for her child on Tuesday nights, and have her care for yours on Wednesday nights? Another option might be to meet your dates for lunch, while your child is in school (if you can get free during lunch). If your date has kids the same age, you might also try a very informal get-together in a park or public place with kids.                       

Here’s an article, “Smart Dating Tips for Single Parents,” that will give you more ideas about how to deal with the many issues that come up when you’re a dating single parent  --  http://www.happenmagazine.com/magazine/article2.aspx?articleid=6376                

Good luck!               

 Lisa                

Lisa Cohn has written for the Christian Science Monitor, Parenting, Mothering, Your Stepfamily Magazine and other publications. She writes an advice column for Philly Women (www.philly.com) and is the co-host of Stepfamily Talk Radio (www.stepfamilytalkradio.com.) Lisa has been quoted about divorce and stepfamilies by the Associated Press, Washington Post, Time Magazine, msn.com and other media outlets.