Jeffrey Marsalis looked like quite a catch. He was clean-cut, tall, and handsome. On his online dating profile, the 33-year old Marsalis posted pictures of himself that fit the profession du jour. He had pictures in a suit when he was the dapper CIA spy, pictures in an astronaut uniform for the NASA gig, as well as pictures in scrubs showing him at work at Hahneman Hospital when he said he was a doctor or trauma surgeon. He was very good at his story. On dates, he produced ID badges to support whatever identity he was claiming at the moment. A woman who dated Marsalis in 1999 described him as “charming, intelligent, attractive, and seemingly safe — or so everyone thought.”
Only, Marsalis was anything but safe. On October 31, 2006, Marsalis sat in a Philadelphia courtroom listening as seven young women testified that Marsalis had raped them. Six of the women had met Marsalis through Match.com. The seventh was a neighbor. ABC News reported each (of the six) gave nearly the same account of corresponding with Marsalis on the Internet, meeting him for a drink and then waking from a fog to find they were being sexually assaulted.
Marsalis’ lawyers, Kathleen Martin and Kevin Hexstall, claimed the sex was consensual and the charges of rape were nothing more than “buyer’s remorse” after discovering that Marsalis was “only” an on-again-off-again nursing student rather than a successful professional. Prosecutors claimed Marsalis was a cold-blooded rapist who conned smart women that had a few things in common: they were all very attractive, professional and well put together.
Following weeks of e-mails and phone calls in which he backed up all of his stories, prosecutors said Marsalis met his victims and put date rape drugs in his victims’ drinks to render the women incapable of resisting his sexual assaults. After five days of acrimonious debate, the jury acquitted Marsalis of all but two counts of sexual assault. In January 2006, Marsalis had been found not guilty of drugging and raping three other women he also met online.
Once regarded as a last resort for losers, in recent years online dating has come into its own. According to the Pew Internet and American Life Survey on Internet Dating, 74 percent of Internet users who say they are single and looking for romance have used the Internet to further their romantic interests. Online Dating Magazine, a consumer watchdog of the online dating industry, estimates that more than 20 million people visit at least one online dating service a month.
Virtual love works. Fifty-three million Americans know someone who has gone on a date with a match they met online. Moreover, 30 million Americans say they know someone who has either married or been in a long-term relationship with someone they met online. Bouyed by the success of others, online daters plunk down $470 million a year to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
The biggest disappointment most online daters experience is finding out the prince or princess they were thinking about kissing is a frog who’s four inches shorter than their online profile stated or 20 pounds heavier than the picture posted. Some find the online match that seemed like such a great virtual fit has annoying habits like sucking their teeth or being rude to waitstaff. Stories like Marsalis’ remind us that online dating can carry greater risks than mere disappointment.
Indeed, the Pew survey found that 66 percent of Internet users agree that online dating is dangerous because it puts personal information on the worldwide web where weirdoes as well as wonderful people can access it. Online Dating Magazine publisher Joe Tracy has contact with more than 50,000 unique visitors a month and double that in visitors. Because online daters have more positive than negative experiences, Tracy cautions his readers to be alert rather than afraid.
“There have been a million dates and maybe 50 problems,” Tracy said. “It’s generally a safe medium as long as are you stay aware.”
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