Proposing for Valentine's Day?

    You're in love. You've decided this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And you want to get married. With Valetine's Day just around the corner, you've picked out a ring, scheduled a romantic dinner at a great restaurant and planned a public declaration of your love.

But is a public declaration really the right thing for your partner? "Most people want the moment of their engagement to be memorable," said Dr. Phyllis Goldberg, co-founder of Her Mentor Center, a California-based resource organization for women. "It's a very subjective decision but, if the restaurant has special meaning, it works for some people."

Still, she said, a public declaration might suggest the person popping the big question is "someone who likes to draw attention tohim/herself."

"There is a lot of pressure to have an over-the-top experience...," said relationship expert Brenda Della Casa, author of "Cinderella Was a Liar." 

California author and psychologist Dr. Tina Tessina said "Surprises are usually not a good idea in any relationship situation, unless you're already sure your partner will be pleased. If you plan to surprise your sweetie with a public proposal, at least ask him or her a 'What if' question beforehand. 'What would you say if I surprised you with a proposal one evening?' It may take away some of the surprise, but it also relieves the possiblity of embarassment and disappointment."

The problem, according to Tessina is simple. "In my experience,, people who arrange surprises are often thinking of what they themselves would like, rather that what their partner would appreciate."

"Even choosing a ring without asking your partner what she likes can be a big mistake. Be wise, and check out the surprise before you do it," she advised.