Fabulous, Enchanted Life After Divorce?

    As cliché as it is, still today many girls (and boys) dream of living a happily ever life. The movie “Enchanted” puts a fairy tale meets real life spin on things, but nonetheless ends up with the main couple blissfully happy complete with ball gowns, singing and dress-making animals. Even if you didn't grow up identifying with Cinderella, Ariel or Giselle, when you got married, you probably believed the two of you would stay together and be happy -- forever even.  

Now you are divorced and the idyllic relationships portrayed in Disney movies might seem almost cruel and impossible. In many ways they are quite unrealistic. Prince Charming was never shown angry or despondent around Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty certainly never grew impatient with her Prince. Affairs are just about unheard of in the land of fairy tales. Yet, these emotions and experiences can all happen in love relationships and marriages. And sometimes two people decide to end their marriage and move on with separate lives.   

Is it possible to live a fabulous, enchanted life after a divorce? Can you experience love that feels as wonderful as happily ever after even when it feels like you failed the first time around? Yes, you can!  

What are your expectations?
Sometimes we hold people and relationships to very high standards.Perhaps you perceived your parents or grandparents as having the perfect relationship. They always came through for each other and reached golden anniversaries still holding hands and in love. This is wonderful and inspiring! But if you expect your relationship to be exactly as you think others' relationships are, you will probably end up disappointed and even angry. You wouldn't truly anticipate living the Cinderella-Prince Charming image from storybooks. In the same way, don't compare your relationship (past and future) to any others. Instead, stay tuned in to how you feel about yourself and what you want in a love relationship.   

On the other hand, especially after a divorce you might be tempted to cynically doubt that amazing love and connection are possible for you. This could be called the reverse-Cinderella complex! What you expect has a huge effect on what you tend to attract to yourself. Do what you need to do to let go of the pain and beliefs rooted in all past relationships. Free yourself for the future you want.  

Fairy tale-ing can be fun.
While we don't want you to hold any relationship to a Disney-esque happily ever after standard, at the same time we encourage you to dream about how great a love you can experience. When you see your elderly hand-holding grandparents, soak in the love and connection they appear to be enjoying. Perhaps there are some aspects of romance and spontaneity in movies and fairy tales that appeal to you. If so, focus on those good feelings and know you can experience love to match those feelings even if he story itself is fantasy. The more excited you can get about the kind of relationship you want, the easier it will manifest for you.  

Simply put -- allow yourself to dream with no limits. Relax and enjoy the little things in your life right now that make you feel loved and bring you some joy. From the rub on your leg by a cat to the scent of fresh baked bread, build on what you have and look to the future for the love relationship you've always wanted.  


Susie and Otto Collins are the creators of passionateheart.com or http://www.collinspartners.com. They are relationship coaches and life partners. Their formal training has been with Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute and Comprehensive Coaching U and with Dr. Belinda Gore. They can be reached at webmaster@collinspartners.com.