Online Dating after the Divorce

3. Use a positive tone.
Again, park your baggage at the curb so potential dates don’t wonder if you want a little cheese with that whine. If you ask for what you want, rather than talk about what you don’t want, you’re more likely to attract a healthy match.

4. Keep it simple.
Save the details for later. The purpose of your profile is to screen for first dates. Period. While you’re screening, make sure you’re being truthful. "The number one thing men lie about online is their height,” said Kelly. “I kept getting these 5-foot, 2-inch men who said they were 5-foot, 10-inches in their profile.” She finally got smart and added this to her profile: “ I’m 5-foot, 7-inches in heels. So, if you’re not at least 5-foot, 10-inches please do not respond.” One of her clients who was a single dad, wrote in his profile: “If you don‘t have any motherly instincts, please do not reply.” “He needed someone who could be warm with his child,” said Kelly.

5. Write short essays versus a book.
Three- to five-sentence paragraphs are best. Try to keep the whole profile to around 350 words so that potential matches can read it in about a minute.

6. Add a little humor.
Humor is a real turn on for many people. If laughing together melts your butter, let potential matches know that by writing a profile that brings a smile to their face.

7. Include a fun hobby note.
The point here is to attract matches that share similar interests. So, don’t be too general. Rather than write: “I enjoy outdoor sports,” share something specific: “On most weekends, you’ll find me on a mountain trail, walking stick in one hand and a camera in the other.”

8. Add your marketing pitch.
Here’s the place to make sure you stand out from the crowd. So, what is it that makes you unique? Do you make the world’s best Bloody Mary? Are you a great salsa dancer? Know how to say, “I love you” in seven languages?

9. Show interest in the other party.
Ask inviting questions. Rather than just say you like going to movies, engage potential matches: “I really enjoy going to the local indie theater. Loved 'La Vie en Rose.' How about you? What’s your favorite indie film?

10. Be confident versus boastful.
Self-confidence is a very attractive quality, but positioning yourself as the ultimate catch is a turn-off. So, this is not the time to list all the honors you’ve received. Instead, write about the things that make you glad to get up every morning.         

After you’ve written your profile, check for grammar and spelling errors so you can put your best foot forward. If your profile has been up for three or four weeks and you’re not getting many matches, Kelly suggests you think about rewriting it. If you’re still not having any luck, you might think about hiring online dating experts like Kelly or Resnick to tweak it for you. Depending on what’s included in the package, costs range from $39.95 to $125.        

Once your profile is perfected and you’re getting those first dates, expect to date a lot of frogs before you find your prince or princess. “The Internet is the biggest bar in the world,” said Kelly. “You can instantly find people you have things in common with and you can do it faster and better than you can in a bar. If you walk into a bar, there might be 100 people there. How do you know if any one of them likes sailing? If you go online, you can find that out right away. It’s all about the numbers and the Internet offers you the biggest pond to go fishing.”      



Laurie S. Moison (Hall) has written for newspapers in Vermont, New Hampshire, Delaware, and Washington, D. C. Author of four books, including "An Affair of the Mind," she has lectured nationally on sexuality, forgiveness, ethics and spirituality. She can be reached at lhall@together.net.