Online Dating after the Divorce

  You finally took the plunge and signed up for an online dating Web site. After surrendering your credit card number and taking the personality test, you click next and there you are — your own personal homepage. The place potential matches are going to turn to learn why YOU are the catch of the century, which, of course, will result in incredible numbers of winks, first questions and, ultimately, (if the ads are true) your soul mate.        

Only, before you can get that first match, you have to construct a personal profile. Heck, you haven’t written an essay since college and it wasn’t a whole lot of fun then. You sit there, staring at the screen. What should you say? What should you NOT say? It’s enough to make a hottie freeze up.               

Eric Resnick, founder of ProfileHelper.com, says one of the most common profile blunders is showcasing baggage by putting in too many inappropriate details. "You really want to keep your baggage stored in the overhead compartment when it comes to online dating," said Resnick. "Things like honesty and loyalty are expected human traits. Asking for them in your profile makes it sound like you still haven’t gotten over the ex who cheated or lied to you in the past. That alone can scare off a lot of potential matches." 

ProfileHelper advisors turned this cringer around.  Before the online profile read, "I am sick of dating stupid men so if you are a moron don't bother trying to get with me." After, it was more positive. "As a student of life, I have always found myself drawn to intelligent men who share my inquisitive nature."      

Liz Kelly, author of “Smart Man Hunting,” agrees that putting forwarad a positive angle is a smart marketing technique. “The last thing you want to write is: ‘I’m not really happy with my job and my divorce was kind of rough, but, I think I want to get back into dating,” Kelly said. “Also avoid starting your profile with something like ‘Well, I don’t know what to write here.’        

When Kelly decided to sign up with an Internet dating service, she used the marketing and management experience she’d gleaned from working for companies such as Paramount Pictures, Sprint PCS and T. Rowe Price to write her profile. It worked.        

Soon, Kelly was going on four to seven dates a week. In a six-month period, she dated around 200 men before finding someone she dated for a year and a half. When it was time to move on, Kelly freshened up her profile and went back online and found another serious relationship. Six years from that first profile, she has found her match. “I call him Romeo,” she said. “He’s Mr. Romantic. He does all the right things and the chemistry is really good.”        

As Yahoo Personals dating expert, Kelly offers online dating coaching as well as profile makeovers and profile reviews. She also hosts her own online dating tips website www.smartmanhunting.com. Here are her top 10 tips for writing a winning profile.  


1. Write a fun and friendly headline.
Pizza and Pinot? Tells potential dates more about you than Sexy Single Seeks Solace.

2. Post at least two current photos.
Kelly says you get 10 times more responses if you have good pictures. No fair putting up pictures that are more than two or three years old or more than two sizes too small. One online dater recalled a first date where the woman who walked in weighed at least 40 pounds more than the picture she had posted on her profile. Not cool. Guys, if you’re bald, leave the cap off. Maybe she’s into Patrick Stewart types. Resnick cautions online daters to use discretion in their photos. Showing too much skin will attract the wrong kind of match — unless all you’re looking for is a quick hook-up.