Making Lemonade: Dating after Divorce

    Well, you made it to date two! Just remember that we are just as scary to the opposite sex as they are to us. Here are some tips to help as you negogiate the waters of dating after divorce.

1. Be natural.
On date two, try and be natural and try to not over-analyze everything that occurs. Dating after a divorce is intimidating enough as it is – without having to try and impress the other person. Sometimes, after divorce, people talk about, complain about, and rant about their ex-spouse to anyone who will listen.  DO NOT do it on dates – if you want to continue dating a person you really like.

2. Don't take anything personally.
When we date, we are vulnerable, not unlike how teenagers feel. ‘Does he like me?’, ‘Does he think I’m cute?, ‘Does she think I’m smart? She worries if his eyes on someone else at dinner. He is concerned if she doesn't look like she's paying attention to his story at dinner. Try not to take anything personally, most of the time it isn’t about us.  It’s human nature for people to be stuck in their own world. 

3. Know you're both nervous.
This is a good time to dip your toes into dating waters and get comfortable without evaluating or critiquing. Remember, your date is as scared as you. We’re all little people inside of our grown-up selves. We carry about pain from the past, disappointments that are hard to get over and dreams that have died before they ever really materialized. Sometimes disappointments in the area of love and romance are the hardest to get over. 

So when you’ve made it past the first date and find yourself with someone you actually like and would like to see again – remember your date is nervous, too. Instead of watching for signs that he or she may hurt you, just enjoy yourself and know you’re with another vulnerable person on the planet, who is just as unsure and nervous…just another person looking for love.

4. Leave the kids out of the conversation for now.
So many post-divorce daters jump into conversations about their children (not just how old they are, but their entire childhood history and genealogy gets revealed). If you leave the children out of the equation for now, you can get to know the person (not the parent); and you’ll be able to ease yourself back into dating and romance as a man or woman – not as a parent. There is always time to reveal your parenting styles and share…but the first or second date is better for determining if this PERSON could be right for you….not your family.

Jodi Seidler is the founder of the single parent site MakingLemonade.com and the author of "55 Things Every Divorcing Mom Should Know!" Her advice has also made it to TV talk shows, such as: "Inside Edition"and "Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus." Her e-mail is jodi@makinglemonade.com.