Living Together After Divorce

    Cohabitation or living together without the bonds of marriage has become a common feature in today’s society.  

According to the U.S. Bureau of the Census, 5.5 million couples were cohabiting in 2005 as compared to the 500,000 in 1960s. The jump is nearly 1000 percent, changing the social structure of the country. And while the ratio of cohabitation before marriage is high, living-in arrangements after a divorce is gaining popularity by the day.  

The annual report “The State of Our Unions 2005.” published under the National Marriage Project of Rutgers University, has found that most of the couples who are once divorced are not marrying at all. But like divorce, when a relationship ends, after cohabitation, there are emotional, social and financial aspects that need to be taken care. Thus, though cohabitation is on the increase drastically, the question arises whether –Is Cohabitation after divorce better?

Dr. Lee Baucom, a marriage and relationship therapist says “It depends, as living-in certainly allows for an easy getaway. If things get rough, it is certainly easier to walk away from cohabitation than marriage, as there are none of those legal tangles of alimony and child support, broken commitments, or stigmas”.  

As more people are looking for ways to sidetrack the difficulties in getting a divorce or shirking the responsibility of marriage commitments, living-in is the smartest way out. But the path which seems a bed of roses has its dark sides too.  

Angela Poole, a single mother recounts her emotional and financial state after a failed cohabitation relationship. She says “The trauma of losing someone you tend to trust and start depending on cannot be explained, I lost everything emotional. After my divorce, at least I had spousal support.  But here, I not only lost emotionally, but financially too. I lost everything financially as I had pooled in my money with my partner, but today the relationship is over and I have nothing to prove that it was my money.”  

Therapists and marriage counselors are seeing more people in their sessions, who are cohabiting and have similar problems. Dr. Baucom says “There is a big downside of cohabitation. First, since there is no commitment, people are constantly on-guard as the other person can leave. So, many a time, people who cohabitate end up "playing nice" on some level, thinking the other person won't leave.  Second, you might end up with someone you really ought not to be with.  But since your level of commitment is lower, you let things be. Instead of confronting something, you tell yourself you could leave if you wanted to, so you let the relationship slide.”  

Emotional and financial separation leaves the same wounds, says Angela, whether they come from marital or cohabitation relationship. She is seeking legal help to get back her money, but as it was in the name of her partner, she feels lost in the myriads of courtroom again.  

Apart from the emotional turmoil, situations like Angela’s brings to the forefront the technicalities that are being faced by millions of those, who pooled in assets but only in the name of one partner and then separated after living-in.  

Most of the states have Palimony laws under which a partner can file a civil suit when cohabitation ends and matters need settlement. “ But there is a huge difference between palimony laws and divorce laws,” says Jared Laskin, a senior California Palimony lawyer, who has a private practice dealing specifically with problems related to living-in arrangements. He goes on to explain the major facts that are often ignored by majority of the people which are well defined by the court of law.