divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

after-divorce  :: love
Print
Email

How to Tell a Good Catch From a Bad One


How to Tell a Good Catch From a Bad One


Tip Number One May Make Your Date Mad


By MARK GOULSTON

    Have you been unlucky in love? Had more than your share of Mr. or Ms. Wrongs? How do you tell a good catch from a bad one?

Good catches.
They have a positive attitude and are not blamers when something goes wrong. They get upset when they're disappointed or hurt, but don't dwell on their upset; they cut their losses and move on. They are passionate and have strong opinions, but stop short of being opinionated.


Bad catches.
They are negative thinkers, blame others whenever they're upset and hold grudges. They are "know-it-alls" who need to have the last word. They are "high maintenance," being easy to disappoint and difficult to please.

Because even some of the worst people can make a good first impression and lull you into a false sense of security, you may want to make use of some ways to identify a person that you should "just say no" to -- and say it early. It's better to end your relationship with these people sooner rather than later because the longer you are with them, the harder it is to get away from them. This is due to two distinct traits they have that can make your life miserable. First, they can't stand to be controlled and will fight you if you try to persuade them to do anything. Second, they can't tolerate being abandoned and will become hostile, threatening and manipulative at any attempt to move away from them.
 
What should you look for when you're dating? Here are some tips to help.

1. Disagree with your date and find out how they respond.
One of the best ways to tell a good catch from a bad one is to get into a difference of opinion on your first date and see how the person reacts. Look for someone who has strong beliefs, but is able to listen and change his mind if new, contradictory facts make sense to him. Look out for the person who reacts to a disagreement as a personal attack on his intelligence. This type of person will become defensive, snap back at you and need to have the last word. This kind of behavior should sound the alarm that you should end the relationship with this person.

2. Meet the friends and family of the person you are dating.
They can help you determine character. As the proverb says, people can often be judged by the company they keep. People of good character usually avoid others that are not. And if your new guy or gal is hesitant to introduce you to friends or family, you're very likely dealing with a devious person.

3. Note if your date is nasty to people in service professions.
These are people who usually cannot always defend themselves -- such as valet parking attendants, waitresses and bank tellers -- that's another warning sign. If your date is nasty to them, that's how he will treat you months down the road if you disappoint or inconvenience him.

These self-protective maneuvers might dampen the romance a little; but being spared the "relationship from Hell" will more than make up for it.

(c) Mark Goulston, http://markgoulston.com


Mark Goulston, M.D., is a well-known psychiatrist, speaker, business trainer and coach as well as author of "Get Out of Your Own Way," "Just Listen," and "The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship."  He writes a regular column, "Getting through to Anybody," for divorce360. He can be reached at mgoulston@markgoulston.com.




divorce New this week::

Ask the Attorney: Should I Divorce while Pregnant? - And Yes, the Baby is His…

 

Should You Warn The Next One? - My Ex Did Me Wrong, But I’m Not Sure if I Should Kiss and Tell

 

The Divorce Organizer: Visitation is for Kids - It Belongs to Your Child, Not You

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Life marches on
Well, I haven't posted about it really here...cause, frankly. I hate to..but M...read more 

still "broken"?
So I am 2.5 yes post divorce. I try really hard to be pleasant and cooperative...read more 

Conceal Carry
Well, my ex took the kids for his visitation this weekend. It is the first...read more 

get/give answers
Post Divorce "First Set of Interrogatories"??
I have been divorced for a year now and my ex-wife continues to harass me...Read Answers/share yours 

Why is visitation "optional" for non custodial parents?
My ex never picks his daughter up when he's supposed to. Literally not once in...Read Answers/share yours 

Pay the Bills or Go to Collections?
Can anyone recommend a good way to keep track of medical bills and payments?...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

2. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

3. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

4. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out