divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

after-divorce  :: love
Print
Email

HeartChoice: About Internet Dating


HeartChoice: About Internet Dating


Online Dating: After a Divorce, the Web Offers a Quick Way to Find Dates


By DAVID KNOX

Q: Since my divorce I have been lonely. I fear no one will every love me or want to be with me. Some friends have suggested the Internet as a way to meet new people.  Is this a good idea?   

A: Absolutely! Internet is the new way most people who have been married before find new partners. When one is no longer in school but working in a job where there are few opportunities to meet new people, months can go by before spotting a new prospect. So get clicking.      

Why Is Internet dating a good (and not so good) deal?    

First, it is a quick way to find a lot of people. By taking the two clicks above, you have before you pages of people who are interested in meeting someone.    


Second, you can sift through these people fast and eliminate those that you don’t want. If you don’t want someone who smokes, drinks, or who hasn’t graduated from high school, you simply don’t send an e-mail to that person. 

After you identify someone that looks good to you, read their profile to see if they have the characteristics you value -- educated, good job, divorced, loves kids or whatever. Rather than going out on a date with someone and deciding midway through dinner that you are not interested, you can sift through 20 people in two minutes and focus on the two that you like the looks of and who have the characteristics that you like.        

There are three downsides of Internet dating.

One is lying. Men lie about the income and status. Women lie about their weight and age. Both lie about something. But lying is not unique to the Internet. Lying occurs with those you meet/date at work.          

Another negative is that you can’t assess chemistry through a machine. You need to meet in person to see if you “click” offline. And this should happen sooner rather than later. Don’t e-mail someone for weeks/months only to discover when you meet them that there is no chemistry.

A related issue is that you can’t assess how the person you meet online “fits” with your friends and family. This can only be done by meeting the person and later introducing him or her to your social network. Having your friends/family meet your Internet person will be very important. And this can’t happen through your laptop.

What cautions should you keep in mind so you don't get hurt?       

Looking for a partner on the Internet is like driving on the Interstate. You must obey the rules of the road- like don’t’ give someone your phone number or address over the Internet. Ask for theirs and you call them.  Then, after exchanging several emails to see if you continue to be interested, agree to meet the person in a public place. As a woman, take a girlfriend and leave with your girlfriend. Be patient.  In general, operate on a 20 to 1 ratio. You’ll need to meet 20 folks before you meet the ONE that is going somewhere. But you only need one!  


Dr. David Knox is the founder of www.heartchoice.com and the author of "The Divorced Dad’s Survival Book."             




divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 

Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes

 

Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
So
As many people who have known me a long time know, my ex husband's sister has...read more 

Well, that was weird
This weekend I had the kids.  My middle son wanted to go to church for a...read more 

Full HD
Full...read more 

get/give answers
expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

4. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out

5. When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?
10 Things to Think About When Considering Whether to Stick with a Relationship