Faith Therapy: New Partner Wants Marriage

Q: I am dating a guy who was married for 25 years and has been divorced for three years. He has grown or virtually grown children. I’m 34, and he is 48. He has many qualities that I find appealing, but I feel a little pressured by him to come to a decision quickly regarding whether I see marriage in our future. He has stated that he cannot proceed in dating me if I can’t answer him within a year. I don’t want to run him away because I’ve never experienced the type of respect, attention, and affection he offers, but the truth is I don’t know what I think about a future with him.  I really grieved my divorce three years ago, and I’m afraid of making another mistake. Help!

A: You are wise to pay attention to your feeling of being rushed. Take heed. His age and life experience have apparently made him a little anxious to resettle his life, which may not be a fit for where you are in your stage of life.  If you truly haven’t reached any conclusions about him by the “year-end deadline,” DO NOT concede to his desires in order to avoid losing him. 

If he is a compatible fit for you, he will exercise patience and make room for your need to come to your own conclusions. If he is not willing to make that room for you, then this is information you need to have. It demonstrates how he’s likely to handle your needs and concerns after marriage.