Faith Therapy: How to Be Single Again

Q: I’ve been married for decades, and now that I’m divorced, I feel lost in terms of how to connect with other singles. Help!  

A: Begin with a personal assessment by identifying your most positive qualities with the help of friends and trusted co-workers. Then maximize them through educational advancement, vocational training, mentors and hobbies that encourage routine and purposeful connections to others. 

I’m a big fan of book clubs, for example, as a means of finding potential significant others, because the focus is not on the superficialities often associated with dating, but rather on thoughts and feelings related to story characters. Book club discussions or other group activities that facilitate conversation and laughter offer a glimpse of someone’s inner world and may lead to stimulating exchanges of ideas that eventually ignite passion or at least encourage the development of friendships. Most major bookstores host book club meetings, so the likelihood of one near you is high.   

Do some research on activities available in your community through local libraries, universities or YMCAs. The Internet has made this easy. Having a more expanded life not only helps post-divorce connection to others, but it leads to a more satisfying life in general. 

The more interesting your life appears to others, the more valuable your input will be considered and the more self-confidence develops. This, in turn, attracts others of like mind. Confidence in who you are becomes an irresistible magnet for available others, regardless of your size, looks or status.                



Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.