Dr. Romance: Make your Marriage Work

    Every relationship has its ups and downs. Is your marriage struggling right now? If you're trying to get it back on track, here are tips to help.

1. Don’t hold a grudge.
Talk about what’s bothering you in a rational way. Ask clearly for what you want, and let your partner know why it’s important to you. If you can’t find a way to agree, go for a counseling session. Resentment will destroy your marriage – for the price of one session, before the problem gets too large, you can save it. 

2. Show your appreciation.
Let your partner know you appreciate what he or she does, personality traits, (i.e.: his sense of humor, her generosity, his practicality, her hard work) and companionship. The more you praise what you like, the more you’ll get of it. We all want to be appreciated. Celebration plus appreciation equals motivation. 

3. Make time for intimacy.
Regard your face to face time as sacred (it is – it will bless your marriage.) Take time to listen to each other. Touch as often as possible (put your hand on your spouse’s leg while driving; give him or her a little squeeze now and then, hug and kiss each other.) Create a cuddling space in front of the television, on the porch swing, in your bedroom, and use it.  

While these three things aren’t all you need to do to create a working, loving partnership; they’ll set the tone and create an atmosphere where your relationship can thrive. They’re like the water, sun and fertilizer to a plant – the natural necessities of married life.     


Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.